July 30, 2008
Pissed as a Newt?

Pissed as a newt - look who's number three!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
May 28, 2008
More Internet Memes Than You Can Shake a Stick At

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 06, 2008
Not the busiest of URLs...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/iraq

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
April 21, 2008
Panic!

Thanks to Jemima Kiss for the special key that we've been using for site launching:

panic.jpg

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
import soul

Python has a module for everything.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
April 17, 2008
DOSing the big G

We often have applause rippling around our office. Usually it's positive but not always...

Yesterday, one of our devs (who shall remain nameless) was looking for duplication in some form of content or other, and came up with a script. It was always going to be evil - it was in Perl. The script made calls to Google, looking for duplicate results. He kicked it off, then went out for lunch.

Google, naturally, blocked us PDQ. Quite right too - see 5.3. They blocked the entire Guardian. (You could still use Google, but had to get past a captcha for each search.)

Of course, we've all done it. Haven't we? But blocking the entire Guardian was a bit of a coup.

Took us a while, but we managed to find the box in question and kill the script. The nameless dev was late back from lunch - we were speculating that he might have been bundled into a black van with a G on the side. But he did get back safe and sound, to a rousing round of applause from the entire office.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
March 25, 2008
The Stroustrup Effect

"There's an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone." - Bjarne Stroustrup, inventor of C++.

This effect had now moved on to the electric kettle. The new model in the office has multiple reservoirs so that you can fill it yet boil only enough water for one cup. Great idea. Trouble is, we had to have a session during our morning stand-up to demonstrate its use.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
March 14, 2008
Best Firefox extension ever

Tourettes Machine. Not safe for work - but who wants to play safe?

Do you lock your machine when you go to lunch? Mwahahahahaha!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
March 03, 2008
Quote of the Day

I've always said, the Web is the sum of all human knowledge plus porn.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Smells like Teen Spirit?

Via El P, a classy piece of journalism.

The comments are great - I've not seen so many euphemisms in one place since the Profanisaurus.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
The End of the Affair, Version 2.0

He dumps her on Wikipedia, then she sells his stuff on eBay. Magic.

And there was me that thinking that the way to dump someone these days was to mark yourself as single on Facebook. Clearly I'm not as Web 2.0 as I thought I was.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
February 14, 2008
Who do you have to call a twat to get your comment deleted?

Via Rosie, Max, 19 is the funniest thing I've read in ages.

Of course, he's nineteen, so of course he's a tosser. Had this been up on facebook, it would blend in perfectly. It's just on the Grauniad travel front that he's going to attract such opprobrium.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
February 06, 2008
Have the Stars Come Right?

Five submarine cables cut now, is it? I wonder if The Bloop is occurring a lot at the moment?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Joke of the day

Eric: Who was that lady I seen you with last night?

Ernie: You mean, ‘I saw’.

Eric: Sorry. Who was that eyesore I seen you with last night?

Thank you, Morecambe and Wise.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
February 04, 2008
Spot the Difference

The Guardian

The Oriental Morning Post

FWIF, The Guardian had it first. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Bash script of the day
yes bum | xargs banner -w 50

We had two of these running on Friday, in two vertically windowed terminals, with the 2nd window showing "poo". That's a Turner Prize right there, that is.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
January 01, 2008
Brunning's 2nd law

No story containing the phrase "He'd never drunk tequila before" ever has a happy ending.

Discovered whilst listening to a story from Tulna about a colleague at her company Christmas party.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
December 05, 2007
Programming is fun again!

You're flying? How? Python.

I so need this as a tee-shirt.

And what timing!

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License.



This means you're free to copy and share these comics (but not to sell them). More details.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
December 04, 2007
A Bang From The Past

Why is this our most read story today?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
November 21, 2007
Best. Putdown. Ever.

I just popped over to the CS team's area to help them with a spot of merging. Turns out my Shared iTunes Library is very popular over there. Nice.

I did have to point out that the High School Musical albums are Ella's, though. (I should also mention that the first album that Ella ever bought with her own money was Blondie, Parallel Lines, which is pretty cool for a nine-year-old I'd say.)

My music collection doesn't always get off so lightly. The other day the iTunes artwork screensaver was running. Negin asked me where all the album covers came from, and I told her that they were all covers from CDs I own.

"Funny," said Swells, "I thought it was my dad's record collection."

Ouch. When Swells insults you, you stay insulted.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
November 08, 2007
Compiling!

Compiling!

With us, it's Running Tests! Same thing otherwise.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
November 01, 2007
Speed Dating

Mum sent me a link to this:

Very funny.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 06:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Hammertime!

Spotted by Paul at the Playa del Inglés, Gran Canaria:

STOP - Hammertime!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
October 30, 2007
Tim Vine

Tim Vine on top form:

He wasn't quite as good on Thursday - he was trying out new material - but I still thought he was great. Opinions differed, though.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 25, 2007
Pyromania

Roar this evening. Good - I could do with a laugh.

I didn't get out of the office 'till after 11 yesterday - we were launching stuff. Shiny shiny!

It took so long 'cos the launch procedure didn't work properly 'cos of an Oracle bug. Bloody thing. Turns out that Orable's materialised views can be configure only to update periodically rather than synchronously. Which is fair enough, except that the query optimiser still sometimes decides to use the stale view. At one point yesterday, we had select

count(*) from table
returning zero, and
select * from table
returning a whole bunch of rows! Madness.

I mean, what's the point in an expensive product like Oracle if the bloody thing doesn't work? This stuff was all sorted on the '400 20 years ago. Bah.

Then, when I got home after midnight, I found that one of the t-shirts that I'd left on my washing line in my front garden had caught fire. It was one of my favorites, too - Make Coldplay History.

Bizarre thing was, only the one t-shirt was damaged. The other clothes hanging around it weren't even scorched. Weird.

I'm rather hoping that t-shirts don't do this sort of thing spontaneously, so I'm assuming that it was either some nasty little oik on his way home from school, or some drunken tosser on his way home from the pub. Git. Where am I going to dry my washing now?

Update: List minute bill update - Tim Vine's on! It's not too late to get here.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)
October 24, 2007
Radiohead meets the Da Vinci Code

Radiohead: 01 and 10 - wonderfully barking.

Also interesting - She Talks In Maths - hear some tracks on MySpace. Sounds fab, but is that just 'cos the material is so good? Might be worth picking up, anyway.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 18, 2007
Bill Bailey's Kraftwork

This Kraftwork take-off is hysterical:

Bill Bailey is a god.

The Wikipedia is wonderful, too - who would ever have guessed that the Hokey Cokey had its origins in anti-Catholic propaganda?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
October 11, 2007
Radiohead: In Rainbows - Reviewed LIVE!

Funny - In Rainbows reviewed in a Guardian Cricket stylee.

Update: I had a listen to much of it this lunchtime. First impressions - very dense, not especially jolly, beautiful. Typical Radiohead, really. More later.

And yes, it's finally arrived, thanks. Word is that it's pretty good - I'll let you know what I think of it when I get a chance to give it a listen or two.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
February 28, 2007
Beer Launching Fridge

Truly technology for the benefit of mankind.

I need one of these.

Via Dan.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
February 26, 2007
What are the chances...

I went to Roar last week, and Nick emailed me to tell me that he'd be going as well. I'd not actually met Nick in meatspace before, so I told him how to identify me: I'd be the one in the Sid James tee shirt.

Sure enough, there was another chap there with Sid James on his chest. But it was good to meet Nick in the end.

I can't agree with Nick about the acts, though. Frank Skinner was rubbish, but I loved the rest of the acts. Paul Foot's act wasn't quite as high-wire-without-a-net as last time I saw him, but if the gently surreal works for you, he's still very funny. Jason Rouse is anything but gentle, but he was funnier and less scary and vile than last time I saw him, so that was nice. And he was funny. Barrie Hall and Wes Packer don't stand out in the mind, really, but they were both funny enough at the time.

It's a great tee shirt, BTW. Steve suggested a variation on the theme: Eric Morecambe on a space hopper. Pure class.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
November 13, 2006
Touched by His Noodly Appendage

Proof of His existence:


Via Michael.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
October 06, 2006
The 2006 Ig Nobels

Just how bad would you your hiccups need to be before you'd consider "digital rectal massage"? And where did they get the idea from? The mind boggles.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Google remains as smart as ever

I appear to be #1 page for any old crap. Fantastic.

I'm no longer the only hit for "I hate Carol Vorderman", but I'm still #1 for that too. Top!

Update: Also irritating habits.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
February 13, 2006
The Horror!

I overheard rumours about something rather nasty during a pub quiz last night, and a quick Google confirms its existance - Rentaghost The Musical!, written by Joe Pasquale. Is it possible to imagine a more sinister triumvirate than Rentaghost, musicals and Joe Pasquale?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
February 07, 2006
I Love You Blah Blah Blah

"Nothing says "I Love You" quite like saturated fat and slutty underwear." Be My Anti Valentine. Brilliant.

But - who to send it to?

Michael, taking advantage of his sobriety in the small hours of New Years Day morning on the way home from a party, suckered me into a resolution to have a "proper girlfriend" by the end of the year. ("Proper girlfriend" is defined one who has introduced you to her parents.) Bizarrely, he made the same resolution himself.

Still, I have 'till December to start looking, right?

Except that worse still, he's signed me up to some sort of speed dating event, the bastard. I'll get him for this, I swear it.

Via Adriana.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
January 17, 2006
Get Behind Me Santa

In the way back to Reading this weekend, I asked Freja what she was listening to on her new iPod. She told me "The White Stripes; one of the songs from the new one, Get Behind Me Santa".

Now that's a superb name for a record. The Red Stripes should use it for their next one.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
December 09, 2005
Klang

A top night at Roar With Laughter last night. For those few of us who bothered to turn up, that is. 30 people! Scandalous.

On an avarage night at Roar, I'd say you would get two good acts out of three, which is good enought for me, but last night, all three were good.

First up was Michael Legge. Very nice chap - I had a chat with him before the gig. He had a pretty hard job to do, warning up a cold, underfilled room. There was a South African chap at the bar, ordering drinks with the kind of volume of voice that ony white South Africans seem to have. Let's call him Tom. (Makes sence, since that was his name.) He made Michael's job very hard - you don't want to be drowned out by drinks orders! - but after a bit of a shakey start, he turned it to his advantage by making Tom his target for the night.

This was a bit of a relief, since I was one of only two on the front row.

Anyway, it turned out to be a good if somewhat scattered set.

Besides, declairing the night "Get Simon Laid" night was bound to get him on my side. If only it had worked...

Next up, Kerry Godliman. I knew her face, but it was only after I looked her up for this post that I realised that it was from The Quatermass Experiment. If only I'd known! I would have asked her for Indira Varma's phone number...

Anyway, I paarticulary liked her "Dating" gag. Dating is an American thing - the English don't really do it. We just get pissed, shag, and work backwards into a relationship from there. "Good morning. And you are?" If you can stand them through the hangover, hong on to them.

Been there, done that.

Lastly, We Are Klang. Sketches rather than stand up, and totally barking mad. I won't attempt to describe them - I'd only fail. I'll just say that they are so good that I'll be going to see them at The Soho next week with Dave, Antony and Ed...

Then, well, the bar was open late, wasn't it? ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 07:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 26, 2005
Did you mean...

My favorite Google screen for ages: Did you mean: dobedobedo.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 24, 2005
Dead Parrot

I'm sorry, but no matter how serious the story, I can't read about a dead parrot without laughing. Is it just me?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
October 18, 2005
Blog Awards 2005

And the best-excuse-for-linking-to-a-site-featuring-scantily-clad-women award goes to...

Licence to Roam, Wonderbra.

Good effort, sir.

Update: Seems it's a madam, not a sir, and may therefore not be simply a blatant look-at-the-pretty-girls post. Still, I enjoyed it, so good effort nevertheless. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 13, 2005
French Terror Alert

Prime Minister Chirac has officially raised the French terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide".

There are only two higher levels in France - "Surrender" and "Collaborate".

(Recieved via email, provenance unknown.)

Update Thursday 14th: The British Alert Level - a nice hot cup of tea.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Which Part of London am I?
Most of South London
You scored -4 sophistication and -3 scintillation!
You are the whole of South London (excluding Barnes, Clapham, Dulwich and Greenwich Village)!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. You know how some personality tests say that there are no right or wrong answers? This is NOT one of those tests.

You're a bit of a hidebound character - and you're either unaware of your own stagnation, or you've acquiesced to it. (I'm not sure which is worse.) You take pride in your philistinism. The only culture you have experienced lately was the yeast growing between the sweaty thighs of the last person you pulled. For you, binge-drinking serves as a proxy for a personality (typical quote: "Best night of my life. Can't remember a fuckin' thing!").

The good news is that this is not the worst result you can get on this test!




My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 7% on sophistication
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 3% on scintillation
Link: The WHICH PART OF LONDON ARE YOU? Test written by fine-and-dandy on Ok Cupid

Result!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
June 06, 2005
Old Chestnut

Via Steve, a woman tried to smuggle 51 fish into Australia under her skirt.

"What about the smell?" she was asked.

"If they die, they die."

Suit yourselves.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
May 11, 2005
Floating dog

The floating dog is the funniest thing I've seen in ages. Via Funjunkie.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 04, 2005
Help!

I'm under attack!

Via Dull.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Fiendish

Target your virus at soccer fans, 'cos they are all stupid. Might just work.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
April 29, 2005
Without The Aid of a Safety Net

Roar with Laughter last night was outstanding. Ed and David, our hosts, seemed a little disappointed by the turn out, I'm afraid. But from a punter's point of view, there were more than enough people there to give the place some atmosphere, and the comics were great.

I didn't have high hopes for Brian Damage & Krysstal, to be honest. I don't do comedy songs, and the pair of them didn't look too promising, either. But they turned out to be very funny, in a rather unchallenging sort of a way. One of my favorite lines of the night came from Brian: "I'm single at the moment - by choice. Not by my choice...".

Dan Willis; what can I say? A programmer in the stand-up business! He's my hero. His story about daydreaming about saving a plane from disaster using his IT skills struck a cord. "Just turn it off, then on again." Brilliant.

Finishing act Kevin Day was the consummate professional. You can see why Ed and Anthony wanted a safe pair of hands to finish on - someone to pick up the pieces after the disaster that could have been...

Paul Foot's act shouldn't have worked, it really shouldn't. But it did. He was the high point of the evening for me.

It seemed like he was deconstructing the process of stand up as much as he was actually doing it. He would tell a (usually not very funny) joke, then explain it. "That was a double entendre - I was referring to his penis, of course." Sometimes the explanation came before the joke - something like "OK, now I'm going to move into the rant part of the act. This is where I rail on about some trivial matter for a few minutes. Of course, I don't really care about it - it's all made up. Telling you that has probably spoiled it for you, hasn't it?" Then he talked about how Chinese food has become more expensive recently. "Boiled rice used to be around £1.90. Now it's more like £2.10!"

See what I mean? It really shouldn't have worked. But somehow, it was all hysterically funny. A man who can have an audience in stitches for ten minutes just by talking about how unseasonably mild the weather had been recently has to be some kind of comedy genius.

The front row certainly earned their chocolate. Or at least one of them did. Paul spend ten minutes sat on the lap of a large rugger-bugger type. I've never seen anyone so uncomfortable in my life. I was worried that Paul might not make it out alive.

A memorable night.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
More Dark Blogging

A blog of pure and ultimate evil. Err, sorry, I mean here.

Update: Via Slashdot, a top comment.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
April 28, 2005
ABC Teens

Internet hoax of the day: ABC Teens, "the world's SEXIEST all-girl punk band". At least, I'm fairly sure it's a hoax, or a joke, or something. Look at the tour dates, for a start. The songs are actually pretty good, but the singer clearly isn't a teenage girl.

Via Spinneyhead.

Oh, and a word of advice - don't do a Google image search for 'ABC Teens', whatever you do. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
April 22, 2005
John Hegley

Rather than watch bigotvision last night, I went to see John Hegley at the Colliers Wood Library. I've read his stuff before, and loved it, but I've never seen him live. He was much, much better better that I was expecting. He didn't just read his stuff; there was a lot of interaction with the audience, and he improvised a lot. His delivery was superb.

The kids in the auduience loved it as much as the adults. I wish my girls could have been around to see him.

He went off afterwards to do a gig at Shepards Bush. I'm keen to see him again, at a big venue if necessary, but I can't help feeling that he wouldn't be the same in a less intimate venue, where he couldn't look you in the eye, ask the audience questions, and count the glasses wearers.

Steve Lake also did a set. "Interesting". Not interesting, but "interesting". Lighten up, man.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
March 24, 2005
Code limerick

Michael Spencer's code limerick is, well, I don't think that superb is too strong a word. It's not just that it's a limerick itself, it's what it outputs that makes it so cool.

Yes, I know; I really need to get out more.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
March 10, 2005
The Wikipedia is just too cool to be true

This is so cool that I'm going to have to do a straight steal from Edward: "The rubber duck can be referred to informally as a rubber duckie or a rubber ducky. Amongst collectors of rubber ducks, the spelling rubber duckie has achieved prominence, but both spellings are considered acceptable."

Neither Britannica nor Encarta have index entries for "rubber duck".

The Wikipedia's Random Page feature is a real time waster.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
March 02, 2005
G is for Goth

The Cradle Rocks, via boing boing. The AC/DC For Those About To Rock Tee is nothing short of brilliant. I only wish they did stuff big enough for my girls. Ella, in particular, says that she wants to be a punk when she grows up - thanks to School of Rock.

Anyone know where I can get a Ramones tee-shirt for a six year old?

Update: More punk kid's tee shirts - UK based.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
January 18, 2005
Jinkies!

Woman jailed for haunting castle in Bolzano.

Police extended their thanks to four teenagers for helping them resolve the situation, along with their large Great Dane. The 42-year-old Polish perpetrator said: "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids".

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
January 14, 2005
Elves Of Valinor Warn Of "Critical Security Flaw" In Palantír Browsers

A critical security flaw which could leave users open to attacks by malicious Dark Lords. Superb.

Via Gimboland.

Funny, if you are a total nerd, that is. Tulna will love it.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
December 20, 2004
Stats up...

Strange; my arse seems to have been very popular:

sitemeter_monthly_arse.png

(Thanks to SiteMeter.)

Finally I find out what people actually want to see.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
December 09, 2004
I'd Better Watch Myself

There will be 60 police in Colliers Wood over the Christmas period, all on the lookout for pissed people the extremely well refreshed. I'll be careful in Venus for the next few weeks...

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
December 08, 2004
Pheasants, peasants, who can tell the difference?

Royal aide is shot at Balmoral.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
December 03, 2004
Hmmm, take two

On the plus side, I'm no longer on the front page for this. I do appear, however, to be a sad lonely geek. :-(

I should sue Google for libel.

Anyway, in order to prove that I'm not a sad lonely geek, I'd better go out on the lash this evening with some mates. Anyone else who's not a sad lonely geek would be more than welcome to join Steve, Swiss Toni and I at The Horse Bar, Waterloo after work.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
December 02, 2004
You get nothing but class in The City

Jordan will be in Clinton Cards in Fenchurch Street signing copies of her calendar on 16 December. I might just give that one a miss.

Jordan has managed the impossible - she's managed to make Kelly Brook look classy. (For my international readership - how can I explain Jorden? She makes Pamela Anderson look like Cate Blanchett.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
December 01, 2004
No *wonder* I'm not getting anywhere...

How to use a hand puppet to meet, attract, and date tons of single women, via greenfairydotcom.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
November 19, 2004
Fuzz

'Lifestyle' magazine for police. And here's what it might look like - Fuzz.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
November 04, 2004
Marry an American

"American liberals - already a threatened species - will be desperate to escape". Marry an American.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
OOOOOEEEEEEEOOOOOO

I present to you the voice controlled blender. First Bush gets in again, now this. Has the world gone mad?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
November 03, 2004
Error Code 001

Blogging error codes, via Sam.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 08:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 27, 2004
El Presidente had better watch his back...

Miniature claymore mine, via Mark Frauenfelder.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 22, 2004
Too busy to stalk your ex?

No problem - O2 will stalk them for you! You can do anything on the Internet these days.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Somebody call Guinness

Is this the worlds largest error dialog? Via boingboing.

(It's not the most embarrassing - that has to be the Comdex demo of Windows 98.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Full marks for initiative...

Italian kids flooded school to avoid exam.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 21, 2004
How to Tell When a Relationship is Over

How to Tell When a Relationship is Over, via a small life.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 12, 2004
His & Hers...

You can get all kinds - His & Hers, Hers and His, His and His, Hers and Hers. But it does amuse me that this one comes in a queen size...

Via boingboing.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
I'm 40% corrupt

How far has London corrupted you?

I must say I'm unhappy to have got only 40%. I must get out more...

Via greenfairy.com.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
October 11, 2004
A little harsh, perhaps

Five years! I must say, I'd have thought that he's suffered enough already...

Via Gusset.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
October 07, 2004
Braaaaaains!

Zombie Infection Simulation v2.3, via DiVERSiONZ.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 05, 2004
Zombie Personal Ads

Zombies Seeking...

Via Gusset.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 04, 2004
The First Rule of Pillow Fight Club is...

Tell everyone about Pillow Fight Club.

Via Sam.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Hmmm

Having Googlejuice is very nice, but I'm not too happy being number one hit for this.

Clearly Google is getting cleverer than ever. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)
October 01, 2004
Morbid tendencies

Another distinctly Friday-afternoon post, after a very pleasant lunch with Jez: The Unfortunate Animal of the Month Club. I particularly like the skull-heads and the skin rug.

Thanks to the office pyromaniac pyrographer Tracey for this one.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Cock, Aim, Fire

Helping a gentleman's aim.

I remember seeing the flies in the urinals at Schiphol. It took me a while to realise that they weren't real!

But will it actually help? Well, while there are certainly some men who don't take aim as carefully as they might, and who may be enticed into a little more care by this device, I like to think that most of us do our best. But there is a certain inaccuracy inherent in the equipment. That first volley especially can be a little unpredictable.

You ladies didn't want to know that, did you? ;-)

Via NightHawk.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 30, 2004
Four

Women have four G-spots, apparently.

Not each - that's four between the lot of them, I think.

Via - who else - Steve.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
September 24, 2004
Now I feel nauseous

Smittens, via boingboing.

Also making me laugh recently - That is just so degrading, Gary Rhodes, Pirate Riddles for Sophisticates, and many more.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 17, 2004
How Chav Are You?

The Sun ran a quiz today - How Chav Are You? I should have thought that the answer was easy for its readers - you read The Sun, so you're a Chav.

Anyway, I got four points - "LESS THAN 10: Admit it. You couldn't bring yourself to do the test in case you found out the awful truth, could you?"

OK, 'fess up - how Chav are you?

Via mad musings of me.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (41)
September 16, 2004
Form an orderly queue...

A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys. It doesn't just say "Run away!" - they can work that out for themselves.

Via Coofer Cat.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
September 15, 2004
40 years of The Current Bun

THE SUN RISES.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 10, 2004
Hog the middle lane, would you?

These missile balloons are fantastic. Almost good enought to make me want to get a car.

And learn to drive...

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
September 01, 2004
London as it should have been

This is how the underground ought to look.

Except that getting from Colliers Wood to Bank where I work would be a bit of a bastard...

Via Rhodri.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Insert your own shopping trolley joke here

So, it appears that Page Three girls aren't air-headed bimbos after all. No, it seems that they are fascists. Via Boing Boing.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 19, 2004
A hint to the management

How to win a small business award.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
August 18, 2004
OK to continue

Excellent interface! FileMatrix looks like one of Mark "The Burger Flipper" Matthews' efforts.

Well, provided, that is, that every time you click on something you get an couple of 'dialouges' saying stuff like "You've just clicked the 'Locate' button, OK to continue", and a couple of K in a log file.

In fact, we've just come up with an interface concept which might appeal to him - modal dialogues (sorry, dialouges) launched on mouse-over events. Can you do that in VB6?

(Via Simon Willison.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
August 17, 2004
Absinthe, nothing

On occasion, I may have drunk some things which weren't particularly good for me - but I've got nothing on this guy. Via Smalltalk Tidbits, Industry Rants.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
August 16, 2004
Not just me, then

Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.

Personal ads in the Dublin News, via Mad musings of me.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Since you came along

You sexy thing.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 30, 2004
The new goatse.cx?

Goatse.cx was bad enough, but now there's this monstrosity. Safe for work, if not for your sanity, via Ben Hammersley. (The goatse.cx tribute that I linked to above is safe for work too - but many of the pages to which it links couldn't possibly be any less safe for work.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 29, 2004
Quote of the week

"The Web is the sum of all human knowledge, plus porn." Via SlashDot.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 28, 2004
Keeping Me Sane

I don't seem to have much to say for myself just a the moment. Apart, that is, from pointing out the fact the StyleReport Pro is eating my soul.

Luckily enough, there have been a few things on the 'net recently to keep me sane:

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Chav Central

Via Darren, I've discovered the delightful ChavScum. Hey, bit of a Chav name there, Darren mate. ;-)

I've lived in sunny Colliers Wood for most of my life, on and off, and we have a healthy Chav population. You'll find them particularly concentrated in and around our local BNP meeting place, The Victory.

Update: The nearest fast food to The Victory is Chic N Ribs. :-(

See also: sheppeyscum.com. I've never been to Sheppey, but El Presidente worked there at one point, and I'm assured that sheppeyscum.com is, if anything, generous.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 11:23 AM | Permalink
Worst Album Covers Ever

Worst Album Covers Ever, via Simon Willison.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 27, 2004
In the event of an emergency

Relax, have a cup of tea.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
I like to think of myself as an all-round entertainer

I know that all our bosses have the occasional David Brent moment, but this takes the biscuit; El Presidente has just been humming Mah Na Mah Na. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
July 21, 2004
Making me laugh today...

Google circa 1960, via Boing Boing.

Empty Supervillian Threats: the statistics, via Lonita.

"The Designer is extremely intuitive," StyleReport Pro blurb.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
July 20, 2004
I swear I never posted these...

Cuddly Alien, via GussetBLOG.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
July 13, 2004
More Tribute Bands

I've mentioned The Marones before. Scary Duck points out some other fab tribute band names; Nudist Priest and the Red Hot Silli Feckers. Wonderful.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 22, 2004
21st century Cthulhu

The LiveJournal of Zachary Marsh.

Via Andy Gimblett.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
June 14, 2004
Cock Pond

Well I never! I've lived somwhere along the Northern Line's southern stretch for over thirty years, and I never knew it was called Cock Pond. I was there only this Saturday - it's a very nice paddling pool, and I took the girls.

What rude place-names do you live near?

Via Boing Boing.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 09, 2004
Finite monkeys typing Shakespeare

"KING RICHARD. OlazZtssi0cwX?QDjqkP9r]xfaBmlVU]e..."

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
The Dalai Lama called me fat

Johann Hari: What next? Being called a minger by the Pope? Being told I have crap shoes by the Chief Rabbi?

Laughing Boy: You should have gobbed the baldy four-eyed get. It's the only language these spiritual leaders understand.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 02, 2004
Mackerel

St John's Wood is the only station on the Underground network that shares no letters with the word 'mackerel'. Diamond Geezer gets rather worryingly obsessive about the Jubilee Line.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
May 28, 2004
Big Brother wants to know

About Your Ethical Standpoint (PDF).

More DoSS Forms at Social Scrutiny, "your one-stop shop for Government propaganda".

Via Jim.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Do you take this woman?

Arrrrr!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 26, 2004
What's the story in Balamory?

What's the story in Balamory? Wouldn't you like to know? Well, the story in Balamory is that Josie Jump has been murdered and buried under the patio.

Death's too good for her, if you ask me. Let's hope Archie gets it next...

Via mad musings of me.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
May 25, 2004
Rejection Rejection

I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your rejection.

Via Kim.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 24, 2004
A great software developer?

Well, I have at least some of the attributes, according to Ian: makes mistakes, tick; opinionated, tick.

I have laziness, impatience, and hubris, too, and plenty of them.

For the benefit of any American readership that I might have; 'tick' is English for 'check'.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 20, 2004
Where are the Thunderbirds?

If this doesn't call for a humanitarian air-lift, nothing does: Norwegian beer supplies at risk.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
May 14, 2004
An instant Internet classic

The P-P-P-Powerbook is a superb hack (in the old-style Hall of Hacks sense of the word). The full story is here.

Via Boing Boing.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
May 10, 2004
NADD

Nerd Attention Deficiency Disorder - this is just so me. Not just the 14 browser-tabs and 10 windows bit, but also the bit about hating people mucking about with your desktop.

I also like to run my desktop at a very high resolution with very small fonts. Is this another NADD symptom, or is it my own personal quirk?

Via qwghlm.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
May 05, 2004
More than he could chew

Liam Gallagher looses two front teeth after a brawl with a "group of five computer consultants". Well, if you pick a fight with a bunch of roughy toughy computer programmers, you are bound to get your head kicked in, aren't you?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
April 26, 2004
Quote of the day

Why Python is better than Java: What it comes down to is not just that Java places too high a cognitive load on the programmer... it's that Java's just a pain in the ass.

You try RPG, mate. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
April 22, 2004
Nooooobody expects the Spammer's Imposition!

Nooooobody expects the Spammer's Imposition!

Via qwghlmBlog.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Signifying nothing

The Shakespeare Programming Language, via Squawks of the Parrot.

Not quite as nerdy as Var'aq (the Klingon programming language), but every bit as silly. Fantastic!

(Prime gereration in Shakespeare.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 13, 2004
Grammar joke of the day

Two busty coeds—a Southern belle and a New England yankee—are in Florida on spring break. The belle turns to the yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from?"

The yankee turns up her nose and says, "I'm from a school where we don't end sentences with prepositions."

Without missing a beat, the belle replies, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

Courtesy of Mark Pilgrim.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
March 31, 2004
Googlejuice is the new love

Superb cartoon.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
March 30, 2004
Why Do Java Developers Like to Make Things So Hard?

Why Do Java Developers Like to Make Things So Hard?

"Imagine if the Perl cafe and Javahut were across the street from each other. You walk into Javahut, and ask to sit down. "I'm sorry," says the person at the door. I'm not actually the hostess, I'm a Factory class that can give you a hostess if you tell me what type of seat you want." You say you want a non-smoking seat, and the person calls over a NonSmokingSeatHostess. The hostess takes you to your seat, and asks if you'll want breakfast, lunch, or dinner. You say lunch, and she beckons a LunchWaitress. The LunchWaitress takes your order, brings over your food, but there's no plates to put it on because you forgot to get a CutleryFactory and invoke getPlates, so the Waitress throws a null pointer exception and you get thrown out of the place."

This is so true it hurts.

Still, could be worse. Working with RPGIV, there are no restaurants. Nor are there any supermarkets; you have to grow your own food. And make your own cutlery.

Via Ian Bicking.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)
March 19, 2004
The world's worst variable names

The world's two worst variable names is a great read. I especially liked this comment.

I'm glad to see that How To Write Unmaintainable Code is having the real-world impact that it deserves.

The worst name I've seen recently in the projects I've been working on has been Skippy, the originator of which shall remain nameless.

Via The Farm.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
March 17, 2004
The traditional omelet form is bourgeois

The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook.

Via Bifurcated Rivets.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
February 27, 2004
What One Hand Giveth...

What One Hand Giveth, the Other Taketh Away.

Ah well. As a single man, it's all pretty academic to me anyway. Just as it is for married men, so I gather. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
February 24, 2004
Imaginary Girlfriend

So, if I'm not allowed a real girlfriend, am I allowed an imaginary one instead?

Via Off on a Tangent.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
February 23, 2004
Get it while it's hot!

Get it while it's hot!

Via GromBlog.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
February 20, 2004
Romance is truly dead

And about bloody time, too.

My theory is that there is now a man in Ken's life. I mean. look at him - have you ever seen anyone more immaculately groomed?

Via Aderemi.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
February 16, 2004
One louder

"Up to eleven" has made it to the SOED, I gather.

With a poet of Tufnel's calibre, it was only a matter of time, I suppose. I wonder when Lick My Love Pump will make it in.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Windows 2000 source

You've heard that it's out there; well, here it is.

Via Tangent.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
February 10, 2004
Trust the PDA

The PDA is your friend.

If you've never experienced Paranoia, well, you've missed out. You were probably too busy going out, making friends, boozing and partying, that kind of thing. I feel sorry for you.

To be honest, actually it was more fun reading the Paranoia modules that it was playing the game, but, hey?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
February 02, 2004
The cult of competence

"A new survey says one in 10 people are incompetent".

Hey, what are you looking at me for?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
January 23, 2004
January 22, 2004
WILL NEW LABOUR STRIP THE MEMORY OF DIANA OF ALL DIGNITY?

The Daily Mail-o-matic, via As Above.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Booble

I'm not sure about the application, but I love the name - Booble, the pron search engine.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
January 06, 2004
The Office

Hah! I feel better now!

I had been feeling rather let down by The Office's Christmas special. Most of it was brilliant - I actually had to leave the room during the Blind Date sequence. But the ending just didn't feel right. David Brent, pull a decent bird? Never!

But it's just been pointed out to me (by my colleague Phil) that she was an escort. All's right with the world once more.

By the way, there is some good stuff on the web site. The screen saver is a bit of a let down, especially as a 5 MB download. But Gareth's homepage is just right, and the newsletter is worth a look too.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
December 11, 2003
Ad for nerds only

These guys have their target segment well narrowed down..

for i in [78, 111, 119, 32, 72, 105, 114, 105, 110, 103, 0]: print chr(i),

Via MickBlog.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Next contestant - Sybil Fawlty

Specialist subject - the bleedin' obvious. Men Stop Thinking Rationally Around Good Looking Women.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
A major contribution to road safety

I'm convinced that this is a major contribution to road safety.

Via Gizmodo.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
December 05, 2003
Alert - Catherine Zeta Jones

Sounds like just your type.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Thinking about exercise

Thinking about exercise 'can beef up biceps'

This is in the Torygraph, so it must be bollocks true.

Right, I'm off to get an excersise video to watch. I'll be like a whippet this time next month.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
December 01, 2003
Joke of the day

Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier sends scouts out round the world looking for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey, and hopefully win Liverpool the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 3-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 30 minutes left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on and takes off Emile Heskey. The lad is a sensation, scores 4 in 30 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

”Hi Mum, guess what?” he says. ”I played for 30 minutes today, we were 3-0 down, but I scored 4 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players and the media, they all love me”.

”Great,” says his Mum, ”let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were attacked and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time”.

The young Iraqi lad is very upset. ”What can I say Mum, I’m so sorry.”

”Sorry?” says his Mum ”It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!”

Via email, origin unknown.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
November 24, 2003
Pragmatic Programmer t-shirts

My programming job went offshore, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

Via PragDave.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
I want 'seven'

Numbers to be patentable

Posted by Simon Brunning at 11:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
November 21, 2003
codeja vu

codeja vu: the feeling that you are coding something that you already coded before.

Via James Strachan.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Michael Jackson on the run

Michael Jackson on the run

Received via email, providence unknown, originally from b3ta.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
November 17, 2003
Arse curry

I've tried a great many varieties of Indian food in my day, but I think I'll be giving arse curry a miss.

Besides, if you must use curry sauce from a jar, Patak's is the only way to go...

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
November 14, 2003
Bizarre idea of the day

Me, a PE teacher!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
From The Grauniad

Why is it in a Yank blog that I find these great Grauniad links?

This week's headlines, with guidance from the lawyers
101 things we don't miss

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
November 13, 2003
Mom finds out about blog

Hmmm. Just about every other blogger on the face of the planet has linked, or will link, to this: Mom finds out about blog.

You know the sad thing - my mother does read this blog, and there's nothing in it that I would want to keep from her. In fact, I can't think of anything in my life that I can't tell my mother.

Sigh. I have to get a life. Can you get one from Argos?

BTW, Mum, when are you starting your blog?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Wandering the 'net

A friend of mine was recently looking for the wonderful "Hoax Moon Landing" parody, featuring The Clangers.

I had a look for it. I found that it had been defaced - NASA fake Moon Landing!!!. Clearly some fuckwit didn't notice the joke. This is a bit of a shame - it was pretty funny. I hope that the OP can repair the damage.

But, while I was looking for this, I found some fab links at me(ish).org: A sociopolitical analysis of Bagpuss ("The Mice on the Mouse Organ. They represent the workforce, the proletariat. Normally frozen on the mouse organ (the 'organ' of the state which controls and represses them) they are animated by the waking of Bagpuss, showing the enervative power that a single individual's vision can wield within society.") and Men are from Morden, Women are from Wimbledon. Class.

And this marks the third mention of Morden in a week. Scary. (Morden, that is - I'm not scared of coincidences. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
November 06, 2003
There Are Going To Be Some Pointless Changes Around This Office

There Are Going To Be Some Pointless Changes Around This Office. I, too, used to work at this office - CitiBank, I think it was.

Via Off On A Tangent.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
The Matrix Trilogy – Deleted scenes

The Matrix Trilogy – Deleted scenes #1
The Matrix Trilogy – Deleted scenes #2
The Matrix Trilogy – Deleted scenes #3
The Matrix Trilogy – Deleted scenes #4
The Matrix Trilogy – Deleted scenes #5

No spoilers. Thought from what I hear, it would be pretty hard to spoil Revolutions anyway. :-( I'll be seeing it tonight, so I'll let you know what I think tomorrow.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
November 05, 2003
Why does Mike Tyson cry while making love?

It's the pepper spray.

Via Frithiof Andreas Jensen.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 31, 2003
I sense a disturbance in the blogsphere

looC fo seulaV llamS

Incredible. It seems to work for just about any website - Mirror Sytes. A perfect Friday afternoon time waster.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 24, 2003
Important lessons for the digitally inept

Important lessons for the digitally inept

Funny, and oh so true.

Via The G Spot.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 16, 2003
The Old Lawnmower Club

The first rule of Old Lawnmower Club is, you do not talk about Old Lawnmower Club.
The second rule of Old Lawnmower Club is, you do not talk about Old Lawnmower Club.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
October 09, 2003
Total Recall

I'm not going to comment on the whole "Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor" thing. I don't live in California, so it's none of my business. Besides, I couldn't care less.

I did want to point out this comment from Jay Leno, though. It made me laugh out loud on the tube this morning. "For the first time in his career, critics are calling him an actor." ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 07, 2003
Cthulhu -- why let something less evil serve your web pages?

The Cthulhu webserver. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 24, 2003
Dysfunctional Programming

Charles Miller, part of the team responsible for proposing some superb Java improvements in JSR 666, goes one step further and introduces a whole new programming paradigm - Dysfunctional Programming.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 22, 2003
Kitty Bash

Animal lovers won't like Kitty Bash, but I do. Thanks, Steve.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 19, 2003
A fine stern on that there scow

Me mateys! At last, thanks to Captain 'Widowmaker' Eloon, I see that some scurvy dog has finally found a good use for mobile phone cameras. Arrr!

Update: Cap'n 'Blackheart' Phil pointed out that it's the stern, not the bow.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Avast there, you scurvy dogs!

Ahoy, me hearties! Today be International Talk like a Pirate Day.

Anchors aweigh, top gallants full and a bone in its teeth! Arrr!

Thanks to Cap'n 'Blackheart' Phil for some authentic nautical terminology.

Update: A round of Grog for Simon Willison. And point your telescope at Nautical Expressions in the Vernacular for more, uh, nautical expressions. Arrr!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 08:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
September 12, 2003
Am I an irritating colleague?

Apparently, yes. You are David Brent combined with Gareth Keenan. Your office persona swings wildly from forced hilarity to utmost anality, and is driving your long-suffering colleagues to drink and drugs. For their sakes at least, seek psychiatric help.

These Grauniad quizzes are brilliant!

Update: Everyone else in my office claims to be a dream colleague. But at least one lied in her answers...

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
More "How English are you?" nonsense

As for Steve, There is some corner of cyberspace that is forever England. My answers here.

You?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 10, 2003
Asylum seekers eat babies shock

Rogue Semiotics' Daily Mail bashing continues with Asylum Seekers Will Cover London By 2005.

Jon will end up working for Private Eye at this rate. All he needs is a large dose of luddism, and he'd fit right in.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 09, 2003
Totally safe for work

Pictures of beautiful tits.

Via the Royal Rodent.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 08, 2003
Context is everything

It's not often that you read a sentence like the last line in this blog entry without being disgusted.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Comedy attire

While at the Guilfest with Steve this year I spotted a brilliant t-shirt. Turns out it's from meatandcheese.co.uk - it's the 'Jesus' one. My mate Paul spotted one at the weekend, and recalling that I'd mentioned that I wanted one, picked it up for me. Fab!

I don't usually wear anything with writing on the outside of it, but I'll make an exception in this case.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
August 20, 2003
Thought screen helmets

Protect yourself from alien abduction - make yourself a thought screen helmet. And make one for your children too - children are "abducted by aliens for the alien purpose of creating a new race of alien/human hybrids".

May also protect you against MK-ULTRA.

Now, we all know that these aliens are being led by The King, so for extra security, install The Elvis Detector.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
A man's Lexicon of care labels

Laundry Guide to Common Care Symbols

Via GromBlog.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
"Teenagers know fuck all" shock

Want to be Bill or Gareth Gates?

Nearly a quarter of teenagers in the poll want to "work with computers", and a third say it is for the excitement and the money. Bwahahahaha!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
August 19, 2003
Python - just say NO!

Java Programmers Unite: Say NO To Python

Jokes apart, I don't think that increasing programmer productivity would increase unemployment, at least not in the long term. I think that part of the problem is that too many company boards have had their fingers burned by large IT projects delivering very poor ROIs. The more IT delivers value for money, the more people will be willing to spend.

At least, that's what I'd like to think. Perhaps we are all doomed.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
August 18, 2003
Design your own hell

Here's mine:

Militant Vegans
Circle I Limbo

Scientologists
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

The Pope
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Republicans
Circle IV Rolling Weights

George Bush
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Creationists
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Qusay Hussein, Uday Hussein
Circle VII Burning Sands

Saddam Hussein
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Via Charles Miller.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
August 13, 2003
August 12, 2003
Can't spot a spoof? Meet Google...

Paul Carr, Can't spot a spoof? Meet Google...

It seems that Private Eye, amongst others, has been taken in more than once by online spoofs, such as Tom Watson's Teens!, or the excellent Thinkofthechildren.co.uk.

Via Tom Watson.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
August 01, 2003
Barking

Barking, I say. Moon Song.

(Sound needed. It won't be the same without.)

Check out some of the other rathergood.com stuff, too.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 31, 2003
Unwise Microwave Oven Experiments

Dan just mentioned that he recently threw away on old microwave oven that he didn't want any more. What a waste! This is what he should have done: Unwise Microwave Oven Experiments.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
July 29, 2003
Barbie porn

Barbie porn. No, really.

Better with sound.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
July 25, 2003
Heath Robinson

A couple of years ago, I went looking for a good Heath Robinson site, to illustrate my view of the failings of a design that we were working on. I didn't find anything.

I looked again this morning, and I found a little gem - W Heath Robinson's Art.

Some of my favourites:

We've all worked on (and perpetrated) this sort of thing, haven't we? ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)
July 23, 2003
Baboons can code

According to Higher Primates Can Program, "higher primates can perform software testing, traverse complex menus, and code simple XML schemas".

What's more, "None of the animals understood the Java programming language, even the ‘alpha’ animals. However, most subjects immediately understood Visual Basic 3.0".

Indeed - I think I've maintained some of their RPG, too.

Via Memory Dump.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Proof of the existence of God

Over Three Hundred Proofs of God’s Existence

4 ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) I can conceive of a perfect God.
(2) One of the qualities of perfection is existence.
(3) Therefore, God exists

36 ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Some more of my favorites:

25 ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY
(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existence of God.
(2) Here is the URL.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

34 ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

50 ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS
[1] Ask atheists what caused the Big Bang.
[2] Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
[3] Continue process until the atheist admits he doesn't know the answer to one of your questions.
[4] You win!
[5] Therefore, God exists

I've had this one for real:

51 ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY
(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

107 ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE (I)
(1) I once experienced something I can't explain.
(2) Atheists offer several possible, natural explanations.
(3) You're just guessing! I was there.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

137 ARGUMENT FROM IDIOCY
(1) I am an idiot.
(2) Even an idiot can see that God exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

328 ARGUMENT FROM FEELING GOD'S PRESENCE
(1) Atheists just haven't truly felt God's presence yet.
(2) If they had ever felt God's presence, they would not be atheists.
(3) Theists have truly felt God's presence.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

Via As Above.

Update: Also, via fundamental atheism, The Brick Testament.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)
July 17, 2003
Hunting for Bambi

Apparently, in Las Vegas, you can shoot naked women with paint ball guns.

Unless, that is, it's not true. But no, it has to be true. It just has to be. ;-)

"Video for this story is no longer available." Shame.

Via Rebecca Blood.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (40)
Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

Questions and Answers about Foreign Policy (and the U.S. Invasion of Iraq)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
July 15, 2003
Matrix Ping-pong

Matrix Ping-pong. Awesome.

Via Ned Batchelder.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
July 04, 2003
Top Trumps - with a difference

C**t Trumps

My only question - where (oh where) is Carol Vorderman? The deck just isn't complete without her.

Via b3ta

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
July 03, 2003
For the less aspirational parent

Are you worried that your child might grow up to make a ton of cash? That they might learn a profession, become an accountant, a programmer, or (shudder) a lawyer?

Or worse, that they might become a really useful member of society? A nurse, a doctor, a teacher, a firefighter?

Well, worry no more! Just get them the McDonald's Food Cart with Play Food, and show them what you expect of them. (Available in the UK from the ever classy Woolworths.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
July 02, 2003
Thumbnail Image

Thumbnail Image.

Bwahahahahahaha!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 01, 2003
The Matrix Reloaded: The Abridged Script

The Matrix Reloaded: The Abridged Script

Very funny. By the same author: The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring: The Abridged Script (in which I was particularly amused by the MtG references, and the Elijah Wood put downs), and loads more.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
June 12, 2003
How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but when has that ever stopped us?

From the Lightbulb Joke Warehouse.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
June 11, 2003
Room 404

Am I nerdy enough to think it's funny that I'm in hotel room 404? Damn right I am.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
May 30, 2003
The Framley Examiner

The Framley Examiner

Via long passage.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 27, 2003
Like a bull in a china shop

Well, a bull in an antiques shop, then.

Is my calendar out of wack, or something? Is it April the 1st?

Is this sort of thing common in Lancaster?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 21, 2003
Puncturing the pompous

Someone buy this kid a lollipop. Or whatever it is kids are into these days - crack cocaine?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
April 30, 2003
My cat died under a labour government

It rained less under a Conservative government - story and photos.

Almost makes you feel sorry for him, doesn't it?

Almost.

Via Anthony Baxter.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 25, 2003
This hidden entrance...

Jenny (a receptionist administrator at work), is bored out of her mind at the moment, so she's borrowed my GameBoy and is playing Zelda.

She's just come up to me and asked "This hidden entrance to the castle, is it obvious?"

I'm afraid that I have to admit that we laughed at her.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
April 11, 2003
It's not over yet

Bush Subconsciously Sizes Up Spain For Invasion

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Oh Lord...

I must have been drunk.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
It's not for girls

I do like the new Yorkie ads...

Via vodkabird.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Bob’s Quick Guide to the Apostrophe, You Idiots

Bob’s Quick Guide to the Apostrophe, You Idiots

Via dive into mark.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 11:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 01, 2003
In the spirit of the day...

The War seems to have made people a little reticent about April Fools Day hoaxes. I haven't spotted any in The Independent, yet. But then, I've only read as far as page eight, and the war coverages goes on until page ten. Even I'd admit that putting a joke story in amongst that lot would be in poor taste.

So anyway, to lighten things up a little, here is someone's idea of the Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time.

I'm also rather fond of the MIT Hacks. (Not remotely computer related, by the way. This use of the word 'hack' predates anything computer related. The current meaning may be derived from the old practical-joke meaning, though.)

Update: One for the nerds - Whitespace. The best spoof language since Brainfuck. Perhaps even since Perl.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
March 31, 2003
Only total nerds need bother reading this

The case of the 500-mile email

Via Chris Winters.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
March 28, 2003
March 27, 2003
March 24, 2003
It's OK if it's in a song...

A while back, Cath was driving somewhere with the girls in the back.

For reasons which escape my comprehension, Cath likes Eminem. Or however you spell that. I'm more of a Miles Davis man myself. But I digress.

Ella gasped out "Mummy, that was a rude word!"

Big mistake coming up. Cath said, "Oh, that's OK, it's in a song."

Cath drove home to Ella singing "Happy fuckin' birthday to you, Happy fuckin' birthday to you..."

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Robin Cook - an un-person?

Acording to the BBC, Robin Cook isn't in the news, and never has been. A 1984-style history change, perhaps?

Or just a case of case sensitive searching? You be the judge.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
March 21, 2003
G.W. Bush's speech

Tonight, having grown tired of waiting for Jesus, Big Daddy and The Spook to get off their high horses, I have decided to act unilaterally to open the gates of Hell and bring about the apocalypse. I don't have to tell you how fucking "A" awesome this is. I say jump, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff cock and lock!

Hey, it's from the Whitehouse - it must be genuine!

It's well worth having a look round this site - it's hysterical. I particularly like Operation Infinite Purity: Winning the War on Masturbation, (a Democrat-created crisis), and Godly Tips on How to Punish and Beat Your Christian Child.

NB, I also like the fact that iSpell doesn't recognise 'Whitehouse', and suggested 'Whorehouse' as a correction.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
March 19, 2003
First there were Freedom Fries...

Give it back!

I think that this is a joke, but you can never be too sure these days - a small but vocal number of Americans seem to have gone insane recently.

Via Pensieri di un minore lunatic.

Update: It gets better! Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite, R-Brooksville, plans to introduce a bill today proposing that the families of the thousands of soldiers, sailors and airmen buried in France and Belgium be allowed to dig up their remains and have them shipped home.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
March 18, 2003
The London Men's Self-Help Pub Crawl Group

London Men's Self-Help Pub Crawl Group

Funny.

I found beer in the evening's pub crawl generator from here. Cool. That's what I call technology for the benefit of man.

How cool is Google? Its web directory includes a London pub crawl page!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Family Tech Support

Family Tech Support. Story of my life.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
March 10, 2003
Which AD&D character class am I?

I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Bard Mage


Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.


Secondary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

How nerdy can you get? Excellent!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
February 27, 2003
Saddam and George

Iraq, North Korea and France.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
February 21, 2003
Sun's marketing department are losing the plot

Why on Earth are Sun using Lee Hurst (a relatively famous, and indeed relatively funny comedian) in this advert (found attached to this week's Computer Weekly? There is, so far as I can see, nothing funny about this at all - they just used him as a model.

Or am I mistaken? Is it not him at all?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Why Bush doesn't want more inspections

Schrödinger’s Iraq

If you view Iraq in a classical Newtonian framework, then you must concede that they either do or do not have weapons of mass destruction. It is this narrow mindset that causes such confusion in the uninformed.

But, over President’s Day weekend at Camp David, I delved into the collected writings of Erwin Schrödinger, and now have no recourse but to conclude that Saddam both has and does not have weapons of mass destruction.

Via online.effbot.org.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
February 05, 2003
Global Potato News

I just don't know how I ever managed to live without Global Potato News.

Via Nick Jordan.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
February 04, 2003
U.N orders Wonka to submit to Chocolate Factory Inspections

U.N orders Wonka to submit to Chocolate Factory Inspections

When we found evidence that Wonka was developing so-called 'everlasting gobstopper' technology—'the mother of all gobstoppers'—we knew it was time to act.

Via Neil Gaiman.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
I am 71% geek

You're on a particularly useless cusp known as "being a bit of a nerd". Nobody really trusts what you say about computers, but at the same time, they keep asking you really annoying questions that they could answer for themselves if they just spent five minutes thinking about it. You also have to spend a lot of time not having a life in order to keep your slightly inadequate skills up to date.

Yup, that's me alright.

Find out how geeky you are with the Geek-o-meter.

71% way my result giving honest answers. It's pretty easy to go higher...

Update: Also:



I am free verse,
and know the rules,
and use them -
when they suit me,
which admittedly
tends not to be the case.
Authority,
tradition, laws;
very much not
my sort
of thing,
I fear.
Perhaps, on occasion,
I go too far in the opposite direction,
and shun the accepted merely because it's accepted,
accepting its opposite merely because it isn't;
but since it's clearly
better that than
being normal;
well,
why
not?
What Poetry Form Are You?

And:

Which OS are You?
Which OS are You?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
JSR-666: Programmability Enhancements

JSR-666: Programmability Enhancements.

Is this a conscious reworking of Python's PEP 666: Reject Foolish Indentation?

Via Charles Miller.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
The real threat to London's Theaterland

The size of American bottoms.

Well, made me laugh, anyway.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 08:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
January 13, 2003
Paper Clip Paradox

The Way I See It:

Every year 10,000 tons of steel goes into making paper clips

A few years back, undoubtedly during a slowdown in the economy, Lloyd's Bank of London decided to attempt to solve the paper clip paradox. It tracked a batch of 100,000 paper clips within its bank. Here is what it found: 25,000 were simply lost "in the shuffle," swept up or vacuumed into oblivion; 19,413 served as card game chips; 14,163 were twisted and made useless during phone conversations; 7,200 were used as hooks for belts, suspenders or bras; 5,434 were used to pick teeth or scratch ears; 5,308 were used as nail cleaners; 3,196 were used as pipe cleaners.

The remaining 20,286, or about 20%, were used for their intended purpose of clipping papers together.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
January 07, 2003
A style guide for the Internet Age

How to Write Like A Wanker

I'll try to avoid using the ellipsis in future, honest...

Damn! Did it again!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
December 10, 2002
Quotes from Alt.Sysadmin.Recovery

Quotes from Alt.Sysadmin.Recovery

I find that anthropomorphism really doesn't help me deal with hardware all that much, because it lends a certain attitude of disdain to what would otherwise be a mere malfunction. - Carl Jacobs

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
November 18, 2002
Project Genesis

Project Genesis: Internal Corporate Correspondence

Via kryogenix.org.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
November 12, 2002
October 30, 2002
Stereotypes

I have no idea why Stereotypes is so disturbing, but it is.

Via Ned.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 21, 2002
Dudley Earthquake Appeal

Dudley Earthquake Appeal. Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 15, 2002
Why teenagers don't read newspapers

Selling newspapers in a Jimmy Eat World, by Dave Barry.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 09, 2002
Scrotal Asymmetry in Man and in Ancient Sculpture

The 2002 Ig Nobels have been announced.

BBC coverage.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 04, 2002
Arrrgh! My eyes!

Ow!

Via Blogjam.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 03, 2002
Slightly Less Common Latin Phrases

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

Via rebelutionary.

Update 7th October: I don't know if Handy Latin Phrases was created before or after the other page - they are clearly strongly related. But the BBC page has Ita erat quando hic adveni (It was that way when I got here) which might have to become a team motto.

Update: Ita erat quando hic adveni is now the team motto.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (78)
October 02, 2002
Slashdot quote of the year

Slashdot quote of the year

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 30, 2002
FARK today

Some groovy FARK stuff today:

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 27, 2002
Silly stuff

Mainly via Off on a Tangent.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Now here's a challenge...

Hold the Button.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
"Wall of Death" motorway bends

Make the fast lane do an overhead loop; the slow pokes would drop off at the top.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
"We are taking no chances in such a sensitive area."

We are taking no chances in such a sensitive area.

Via FARK.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 26, 2002
Make your own Bush speech

Can't get enough of George W. Bush's speeches?

I, uh, know how you feel. Well, now you can make your own Bush speech.

If you want to match the intelligence of the real thing, then I'd suggest a blindfold.

Via Off on a Tangent.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 24, 2002
Small Values of Cool is evil

Proof - Small Values of Cool is evil.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 23, 2002
Miffy

Miffy - the Vampire Slayer. Superb wallpaper!

Via B3taPaper.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 18, 2002
Taliban Reunited

Taliban Reunited is the simple way to find out what your old terrorist chums and captives are doing now.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

Via FARK.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Bush launching "Operation Shut Your Piehole"

Bush launches "Operation Shut Your Piehole" Against European Leaders

Via FARK.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 09, 2002
You need sound for this...

Punk Kittens

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
I am better than your kids

I am better than your kids.

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better.

Via dutchbint.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)
The Insects from Shaggy

The Insects from Shaggy - Scooby Doo meets The Call of Cthulhu.

Via FARK.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 06, 2002
The Alanis Morissette Lyric Generator

The Alanis Morissette Lyric Generator

"Will to Live"

I feel miserable
Arrays make me ill
I feel miserable
Castings tear at my foundations
I feel miserable
Types are dragging me down to the depths of misery
I want to die

Is it because of Java that I feel this way?
With the blue rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Or am I lost in tale of Seamus Heaney, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.

Amber Broke My Will to Live
Amber Broke My Will to Live
Amber Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Amber Broke My Will to Live

I feel miserable
Threads rot the flesh from my bones
I feel miserable
GUIs defeat my purpose
I feel miserable
Loops are doing their best to impale my soul
I want to die

Is it because of Java that I feel this way?
With the blue rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Am I lost in tale of Seamus Heaney, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.

Amber Broke My Will to Live
Amber Broke My Will to Live
Oh God, Amber Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Amber Broke My Will to Live

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Virtual Om

Ow! My brain hurts!

Via b3ta.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 05, 2002
Which * are you?

You are Kermit!
Though you're technically the star, you're pretty mellow and don't mind letting others share the spotlight. You are also something of a dreamer.


I am Charlie Brown

Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz

Via fozbaca.

[If I were an online test, I would be The James Bond Villain Personality Test]

I'm The James Bond Villain Personality Test!

I live in a fictional world of spies and blonde women with ridiculous names, and I like to give people plenty of options. Although whether they're villainous is not optional.

Click here to find out which test you are!

Via iamcal.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
September 04, 2002
Reality TV

The reality tv/gameshow programme idea generator. Classic.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 03, 2002
Good Advice and Maxims for Programmers

Mark Jason Dominus' advice for programmers. Very funny.

Not just funny, though. Very true, also.

Via Aaron Swartz.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
September 02, 2002
For those of you whose boss is away this week...

SimWork!

Via The Ultimate Insult.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 30, 2002
Eeeewwwwww!

Security Incidents in the EPA East Building

Man faces charges in guinea pig dissection

Via Fark.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 27, 2002
Modern maths

Modern Mathematics paper 1

Received via email - providence unknown.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Catholics, look away now

Stained glass in Turin Cathedral

Reminds me of a joke.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Exploding purple dogs

Not quite sure what to make of this.

Via b3ta.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Piet

Piet is a programming language in which programs look like abstract paintings.

See also Ook!, a programming language designed for orang-utans:

  • A programming language should be writable and readable by orang-utans.

  • To this end, the syntax should be simple, easy to remember, and not mention the word "monkey".

  • Bananas are good.

Java - who needs it?

Via iamcal.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Teenager hit by meteorite

"This does not happen very often in Northallerton."

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 23, 2002
National Slacker Day

Today is the UK's National Slacker Day! If only I'd known, I wouldn't have worked so bloody hard this morning. ;-)

Via Metafilter.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 22, 2002
The Call of Cuddly Cthulhu

Tales of the Plush Cthulhu.

Via Metafilter.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 20, 2002
Shock finding...

British scientists have found even modest amounts of alcohol will make the opposite sex appear better-looking.

This is why I disapprove of tee-total women.

Hmmm. I have just realized that I can't think of a single culture that doesn't either:

  1. Arrange marriages, or...

  2. Permit women to drink alcohol.

Coincidence? I think not. Any culture which forbade women from drinking but didn't arrange marriages would die out due to lack of childbirth.

Via Off on a Tangent.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
August 16, 2002
This afternoons events in the restroom

I understand from some of you that my recent indecency related arrest in Thailand seems to have clouded your judgment to illegal acts.

Genuine, apparently, but I'm suspicious. Funny, though.

Via Sashinka.

Also funny - X4 Freight's "Financial situation".

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Women find it attractive...

Honest.

Via Metafilter.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Bookworm
Book Worm Meter for Simon
Shut In 93%
..
7% Out Of The House
Intellectual 95%
..
5% Moron
High Attention Span 95%
..
5% Low Attention Span
Bookitude 96%
..
4% Book Burner
Book Worm 94.75%
..
5.25% Bug Stomper
Take your bookworm readings.

Via Cyn.

Also:

My Romance Meter

Optimist 35%
..
65% Cynic
Close 41%
..
59% Distant
Long Term 30%
..
70% Brief
What does my romance meter read?

Is it any wonder that I'm single?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 15, 2002
The Future of 24/7 Computing

A low blow, as they admit, but funny.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 11:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 14, 2002
Taller men are more sexually attractive

Why most men are taller than women.

Randy Newman was right. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
August 13, 2002
Old thinking and new thinking

Who says these ex-hippies aren't high tech?

Also - He said I made him feel stupid.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Bizarre little site

idiotica.co.uk

I particularly like 'That Shallot'.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 09, 2002
Barcode generator

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 07, 2002
I am 42% Geek

I am 42% Geek

You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing.

Take the Geek Test at fuali.com

(That isn't my picture, BTW.)

Update 16th August: Another one:

You are 31% geek
You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator.
Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend.

You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines!

Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals!

You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 06, 2002
The cruft crisis

I'm at Cruft Force 3 going on 4, but then I have a fairly new PC.

Via iamcal.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Holocaust Deniers Change Tactics

Now deny World War II.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
August 05, 2002
Driving tips

An Educational Road Movie.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Why you will never win...

Does the girl in your life suspiciously win more than her share of your battles?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
The 200 worst films of all time

Metacritic's 200 lowest scores.

Divorce: The Musical? Good God!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 26, 2002
Woman

Hazardous material

Received via email. I don't know its providence.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
July 23, 2002
The Italians disable 5 US based websites

Police in Italy didn't care that five Web sites they deemed blasphemous and thus illegal were located in the United States, where First Amendment protections apply. The police shut them down anyway.

The Yanks are up in arms about it, naturally. "Other nations shouldn't be allowed to impose their laws on our citizens! Only we should be able to do that sort of thing!"

More light than heat at Slashdot, for a change.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 22, 2002
The Official Ninja Webpage

I have come across The Official Ninja Webpage before, but I lost the URL. Found it again on SubAverage. It's a small net, after all...

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Toxic Solar Wyrm in Middle Earth

The Heavy Metal Song Title Generator.

Via The Ultimate Insult.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 19, 2002
Wall Street Suffers Worst Setback Since Yesterday

Wall Street Suffers Worst Setback Since Yesterday. Once again, SatireWire is on the button.

See also:
Airline's New "Fly, Goddamnit" Campaign Not Taking Off
NASA Just Goes Ahead and Launches Satellite

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
pubchalking

Warchalking is all the rage at the moment. Now, here comes pubchalking.

Warchalking, it seems, is so cool it doesn't even matter if anyone is really doing it or not. From Wired.

(Via dutchbint.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Monty Python, the complete scripts

It's all here, so far as I can tell. Monty Python TV Series Sketches. Brilliant.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 16, 2002
The 2002 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest awards

It was a dark and stormy night.

The blood dripped from his nose like hot grease from a roasting bratwurst pierced with a fork except that grease isn't red and the blood wasn't that hot and it wasn't a fork that poked him in the nose but there was a faint aroma of nutmeg in the air and it is of noses we speak not to mention that if you looked at it in the right profile, his nose did sort of look like a sausage.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
FARK stories today

Via FARK.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 15, 2002
Windows RG

Windows Really Good Edition.

Not new, but worth looking at again.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
The Google Mirror

Google too busy? Try elgooG.

Via Memepool.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 04, 2002
What is your cyborg acronym?

Synthetic Intelligent Machine Optimized for Nullification

(Via The Ultimate Insult)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Powers Phillips, P.C.

"we're every bit as incompetent as any male-owned firm."

I didn't think that Lawyers were allowed to be this honest.

(Via memepool)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 02, 2002
Gamesmanship

It's Not Cricket.

Mostly linked because of one line: a portly Sri Lankan batsman was asked by a South African why he was "so fucking fat". "Because," replied the batsman calmly, "every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit." Superb.

(Via Luke.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Worst Case Scenarios

Survive If Your Parachute Fails to Open.

I bought my brother the dead-tree version of this some time ago. Now Worst Case Scenarios is online.

(Via The Ultimate Insult.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 01, 2002
A new candidate for the nerdiest web page of all time?

Mathematical Lego Sculptures may take over from Var'aq (the Klingon programming language) as the nerdiest web page yet.

(Via SubAverage)

Update 03 July: Slashdot caught up eventually. ;-)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 28, 2002
A woman is special

At wigu.com.

A woman is special... no matter how much she weigh,
Without women i'd get fat and drink cold beer all day!

Women are the only reason... a man has manners at all,
Without a woman alive I'd never make a telephone call!!

Women act pretty, but don't be misled...
There's a demon that lives inside of her head,
And crushing men's souls is how it is fed,
And it will not stop until we are dead.

(Via iamcal)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 27, 2002
Britney exposed

Some people have far too much time on their hands.

(Via The Ultimate Insult)

More Britney madness.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 21, 2002
Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About

Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. Sounds like a perfectly normal male-female relationship to me.

I like one of the FAQs particularly - Why don't you and Margret get married?. "I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but if you don't have a funeral, you're still dead, OK?"

Via iamcal.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
June 20, 2002
Suicidal Chipmunk

Suicidal Chipmunk?

Via Elegant Hack.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
The truth behind programming languages

Brainfuck, Mueller: "I wasn't aware of the existence of Perl". ;-)

More about Brainfuck.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Satire at its finest

This isn't new, but I wasn't blogging when I first saw it. God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Korean striker's Italian coup earns him the sack

Miserable bastards.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Simplifying Tasks

A perfect example of IBM's idea of Simplifying Tasks. (Read the instructions.)

Via CamWorld.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 19, 2002
LordCo

LordCo - for all your Christian fundamentalist consumer needs.

Your only source for Corpus Christies, Pre-Blessed Breakfast Cereal. "Now, it's important for you, as good Christian parents, to know that this is not entirely your fault. It's those blaspheming, heathen, bastard children that your little angels have to suffer through school with. Is it any wonder that it takes you all night to beat the love of Jesus back into them?"

Also available: Preyboy magazine, GI Jesus, Hungry Hungry Lions, Burning Bush Vaginal Cream, the PsalmPilot, and many, many more.

If I have offended anyone with this post, well, Richard Dawkins would have done worse.

(Via Pagan Prattle, via ESR's Armed and Dangerous. On which more later...)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
June 18, 2002
This can't be true

Guinness is NOT Good For You? Rubbish! Steak, egg and chips in a glass, is Guinness!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 17, 2002
The Philosophy of Kissing

The Philosophy of Kissing. Fab. "Nietzscheian kiss: She/he who does not kiss you, makes your lust stronger."

Also on Trygve Lode's site - The Unnatural Enquirer, and a link to the online Purity Test.

(Via Metafilter.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
June 14, 2002
Guns Are Only Deadly If Used For Their Intended Purpose

Guns don't kill people. People kill people. At least, if they've got a gun, they do.

I think that we in the UK don't really get the whole US gun thing. It's not so much that we don't approve of gun ownership (though most don't). It's that we really don't get why people want a gun...

I wouldn't mind having a gun when people let their dogs off the leash in my local park, I must say. Why is it that a farmer is allowed to shoot a dog which is worrying his sheep, but I'm not allowed to shoot a dog which is worrying my children?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (27)
June 13, 2002
The Christian Linux distribution

Is Jesux a joke, or what? Well, I think it's funny, anyway.

I'm pretty sure that it is a joke, but you never can tell...

(Via Babu.)

Update: Turns out that it is a joke. Sort of.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
South Park Studio

Offend all your friends and family with South Park Studio!

You can also do this in Lego.

Update June 14th: Between us, we've done the Evo team!

Update March 18th, 2003: Main link updated - the buggers moved it! It's also had stuff added to it, though, so I'll let them off.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
June 12, 2002
Heavy metal logos

At Metal Mockery.

I must sent this to Mark, my sister's SO.

Also at Metal Mockery:
Killer Axes
Be a Metalhead

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Greenpeace will now oppose everything

It's all bad, it all needs to stop.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 11, 2002
The Beijing Evening News falls for The Onion

Reuters is reporting that The Beijing Evening News has printed an article from The Onion, believing it to be true.

(Via K5)

Update: This is everywhere!

Update 14th June: The Beijing Evening News has now retracted the story, but clearly hasn't got the whole idea - "Some small American newspapers frequently fabricate offbeat news to trick people into noticing them, with the aim of making money, this is what the Onion does. According to congressional workers, the Onion is a publication that never ceases making up false reports," it writes. Sigh.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Elvis links

Elvis Detector
The First Church of Jesus Christ, Elvis
Elvis shot J.F.K.

"From: I could tell you@forward1.us.inter.net, but I'd have to kill you.@surecom.com
To: E-mail: nbonaparte@jokewallpaper.com
Subject: Elvis/Kennedy Similarities

I've been digging around in the online references and have found some startling similarities between John Kennedy and Elvis Presley. Let me illuminate you...

John Fitzgerald Kennedy has three names.
Elvis Aron Presley also has three names.
Both names are, amazingly, comprised of consonants AND vowels.

Kennedy was born in 1917, and died in 1963.
Elvis was born in 1935, and died in 1977.
All 4 years have EXACTLY 4 digits.

Kennedy was 'The President'.
Elvis was 'The King'.

Kennedy commanded a PT-Boat in the Pacific for the Navy.
Elvis drove a truck in West Germany for the Army.

Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.
Lincoln was the name of the President during the Civil War.
During the Civil War, there was Colonels.
'The Colonel' was the nick-name of Elvis's manager, Tom Parker.

Kennedy married a woman named Jacqueline Bouvier.
She later remarried a Greek named Onassis, one of the richest men in the world.
Elvis married a woman named Priscilla Beaulieu.
Their daughter married a geek named Jackson, one of the richest uh... PERSONs in the world. Jackson was also Greek... at heart. (i.e.: he liked little boys)

Kennedy approved the 'Bay of Pigs' invasion.
Elvis regularly invaded Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Kennedy's face is stamped into the American Half-Dollar.
Elvis's face is tatooed on some white-trash woman's fat ass in Mississippi.

And the most startling coincidence of all...

Kennedy died in DALLAS.
Elvis died on the TOILET."

From Elvis shot J.F.K. - brilliant!

And all this from the first page of links!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
The Osbournes

You've heard of The Sims? Now play The Osbournes!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 07, 2002
Homer

The Homer Simpson Soundboard.

Mmm... beer.

Update 11th June: Another one.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
June 06, 2002
Soccer-mad US crazed over World Cup.

World Cup... World Cup, that's... racing?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement

Who are these loonies?

Other loonies here and here.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 29, 2002
In a Japanese Arcade near you.

OK, well, nowhere near you.

Anyway, I don't usually stoop to 'aren't foreigners funny' type posts, but this is seriously weird stuff.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 05:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 24, 2002
Currently residing in the where-are-they-now file...

Untitled Document used to be one of the funniest sites in the 'net.

But then the updates became intermittent, then stopped altogether. Shame.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 23, 2002
Shock Horror!

Factual error found on the Internet!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
WTF?

Freja and Ella would love this notebook!

(Freja and Ella are my daughters, BTW.)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
May 21, 2002
Doh!

Oh dear!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 02:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Dilbert is at Google.

Google's logo is currently featuring Dilbert.

They often feature special logos.

I missed their April 1st announcment this year. Godd, but April 1st 2000 takes some beating!

(Via The Shifted Librarian)

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 15, 2002
The Phobia List

What did we ever do before the Internet? Where would we have found a complete list of phobias?

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
May 10, 2002
"We're going to cut up their passports."

Missing pensioners 'unaware' of hunt. Brilliant!

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 09, 2002
Winnie the Pooh

Mark Pilgrim has some excellent Winnie the Pooh links.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Ad complaints

The ASA has released a list of the most complained about ads of 2001.

The Queercompany one wasn't 'offensive', IMHO, but extremely distracting. Nearly made me walk into a lamp-post, anyway.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
May 08, 2002
Freaky

Have a go at Clifford Pickover's ESP Experiment. Works for me.

Does it work for you?

Update: It's been explained to me now. Clever! I won't spoil it for you, though.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
May 02, 2002
The mullet is back!

Salon says that the mullet is back. I say that Salon is insane.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 12:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
April 29, 2002
A bit of a harsh review.

I've been to the Nazrul 2 a few times, and I've always had a fine meal, but CurryPages' review section shows that not everyone was so happy.

Still, not a patch on my local - the Halal.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 04:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
French Intellectuals in Afghanistan

You probably came across the French Intellectuals in Afghanistan thing last year. The guy who wrote it, Michael Kelly, has a website with loads of other funny stuff. Well worth a look.

Posted by Simon Brunning at 09:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)