I've been collecting quotations for some time, and I don't really have much to do with them.

I don't have as many as AMK, though.

What I'd really like would be a way of automatically inserting one of these in each posting, but I can't work out how to do that with MT. So, I'll just shove them here...

• Even snakes are afraid of snakes. - Steven Wright
• Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll overfish, cause famine in the next three regions and pollute the atmosphere with his fish.
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. - Emo Phillips
• If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. - Isaac Asimov
• Indeed, when I design my killer language, the identifiers 'foo' and 'bar' will be reserved words, never used, and not even mentioned in the reference manual. Any program using one will simply dump core without comment. Multitudes will rejoice. - Tim Peters
• Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. - Woody Allen
• Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - W. C. Fields
• A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it. - Alistair Cooke
• I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley
• If you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
• There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs. - Flon's Law
• This gubblick contains many nonsklarkish English flutzpahs, but the overall pluggandisp can be glorked from context. - David Moser
• The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. - George Bernard Shaw
• Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realise half of them are stupider than that.
• My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. - Ashleigh Brilliant
• Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
• If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. - Derek Bok
• I want to move to theory. Everything works in theory. - John Cash
• If men acted after marriage as they do during courtship, there would be fewer divorces - and more bankruptcies. - Frances Rodman
• Two things I learned for sure during a particularly intense acid trip in my own lost youth: (1) everything is a trivial special case of something else; and, (2) death is a bunch of blue spheres. - Tim Peters
• With stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. - Friedrich Von Schiller
• He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it, hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart. - C. S. Lewis
• Only two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
• What I find most amusing about COM and .NET is that they are trying to solve a problem I only had when programming using MS tools. - Max M
• Greer's Third Law: A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
• The sooner I get discouraged and quit, the more time I'll save overall. - Frank Sergeant
• It takes two to lie; one to lie and one to listen. - Homer Simpson
• Time Flies like an arrow. Fruit Flies like a banana - Groucho Marx
• Computer system analysis is like child-rearing; you can do grievous damage, but you cannot ensure success. - Tom DeMarco
• Don't feed the lawyers: they just lose their fear of humans. - Peter Wood, comp.lang.lisp
• If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen
• If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
• Good, Fast, Cheap. Choose any two.
• Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemmingway
• The truth always turns out to be simpler than you thought. - Richard Feynman
• We won't allocate much time to testing, because we won't find many bugs. - Steve McConnell, Code Complete
• Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. - Jean-Paul Sartre
• When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. - Dave Barry
• Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
• Never use a long word when there's a commensurate diminutive available. - Stan Kelly-Bootle
• There is often a large gap between theory and practice. Furthermore, the gap between theory and practice in practice is much larger than the gap between theory and practice in theory. - Jeff Case
• Win2K - It's not that it's only 65,000 bugs, it's just that they stopped counting at 65,535 to prevent an overflow.
• It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar. - Jerome K. Jerome
• I think that it will be a clash between the political will and the administrative won't. - Jonathan Lynn and Antony Jay, Yes, Prime Minister.
• An approximate answer to the right problem is worth a good deal more than an exact answer to an approximate problem. - John Tukey
• Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. - Voltaire
• The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober - William Butler Yeats
• Research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. - Wernher von Braun
• As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein
• Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
• The most dangerous thing in the world is to try to leap a chasm in two jumps. - William Lloyd George
• Less is More. Much more.
• Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
• Most people hate the taste of beer - to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome - Winston Churchill
• Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. - J.R.R. Tolkien
• The stupidity of a stupid man is mercifully intimate and reticient, while the stupidity of an intellectual is cried from the rooftops. - Peter Ustinov
• I have to stop now. I've already told you more than I know. - Wolf Logan
• Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and to remove all doubt. - Mark Twain
• There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. - Joseph Brodsky
• It's like, "How much more black could this be?", and the answer is none. None more black. - Nigel Tufnel
• Don't drink when you drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.
• You might very well think that. I couldn't possibly comment. - Michael Dobbs, House of Cards
• There is no sleep, there is only caffeine deficiency.
• I've lost my faith in nihilism.
• 'One World, one Web, one Program' - Microsoft promotional ad. 'Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer' - Adolf Hitler.
• A designer knows he has arrived at perfection, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. - Roseanne
• Rule Number 1 is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule Number 2 is, it's all small stuff. - Robert Eliot
• Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we possess ourselves. - J.R.R. Tolkien
• I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
• If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? - Albert Einstein.
• Teach a man to make fire, and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. - John A. Hrastar
• The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
• It's not that perl programmers are idiots, it's that the language rewards idiotic behavior in a way that no other language or tool has ever done. - Erik Naggum
• Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. - Steven Wright
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
• There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult. - C.A.R. Hoare
• Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer. - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr
• Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart
• SCSI is not magic. There are fundamental technical reasons why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain now and then. - John Woods
• The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. - Andrew S. Tanenbaum
• Only wimps use backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff on FTP, and let the rest of the world mirror it ;) - Linus Torvalds
• Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
• More computing sins are committed in the name of efficiency (without necessarily achieving it) than for any other single reason - including blind stupidity. - W.A. Wuld
• I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. - George Best
• Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on. - Winston Churchill
• An atheist doesn't have to be someone who thinks he has a proof that there can't be a god. He only has to be someone who believes that the evidence on the God question is at a similar level to the evidence on the werewolf question. - John McCarthy
• Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
• When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me. - Emo Philips
• In my experience, the customer doesn't know what he wants until you don't give it to him. - David Brady
• Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did. - Groucho Marx
• When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. - Henry J. Kaiser
• Even a manager can understand HTML. - Tim Berners-Lee
• The program said "Requires Windows 9x or better", so I installed Linux.
• I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotamy.
• In this house, young lady, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! - Homer Simpson
• Hubris is when you really do have it, enough so only the gods slap you down. Pretentiousness is when you don't have it, and everyone slaps you down. Arrogance is somewhere in between. - Thorfinn
• Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
• Women - can't live with them... Pass the beer nuts. - Norm Peterson (Cheers)
• What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. - Dave Barry
• Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? - Groucho Marx
• With Microsoft, failure is not an option. It comes bundled.
• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. - Sharon Stone
• Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. - Mark Twain
• You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are. - Colonel Adolphus Busch
• In short, just business as usual in the wacky world of floating point . - Tim Peters
• Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down. - Ashleigh Brilliant
• War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. - Ambrose Bierce, writer (1842-1914)
• To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn't it? - Richard Curtis and Ben Elton, Blackadder
• A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. - Groucho Marx
• As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
• Microsoft spel chekar vor sail, worgs grate!!
• You can have quality software, or you can have pointer arithmetic; but you cannot have both at the same time. - Bertrand Meyer, 1989
• Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission and I want to help you. - Hal 9000
• You stupid, ungrammatical, pathetic... Sorry? Oh, you wanted an argument. This is Abuse. Argument is two doors down.
• For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled. - Richard Feynman
• Translations (like wives) are seldom faithful if they are in the least attractive. - Roy Campbell
• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. - Groucho Marx
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. - Steven Wright
• I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. - Stephen Leacock
• Not all who wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien
• If you would know what the Lord God thinks of money, you have only to look at those to whom he gives it. - Maurice Baring
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think 'I know, I'll use regular expressions'. Now they have two problems. - Jamie Zawinski, comp.lang.emacs
• I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that. - HAL 9000
• What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? - Ursula K. LeGuin
• Don't pay any attention to the critics. Don't even ignore them. - Sam Goldwyn
• Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent - Isaac Asimov
• Python is executable pseudocode. Perl is executable line noise. - Bruce Eckel
• Nothing simple is ever easy. - Jim Becker
• Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie. - Dennis Miller
• There are three schools of magic. One: State a tautology, then ring the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy. Two: Record many facts. Try to find a pattern. Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that's science. Three: Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's Factor; that's engineering. - Robert A. Heinlein
• I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. - Douglas Adams
• If Windows is the solution, can we please have the problem back?
• It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. - Abraham Lincoln
• There is no difference between someone who eats too little and sees Heaven and someone who drinks too much and sees snakes. - Bertrand Russell
• I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen
• We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. - Robert Wilensky
• Disclaimer: I'm not as smart as I think I am.
• Perl - the only programming language that looks the same both before and after RSA encryption.
• Things to do today: See list of things to do yesterday.
• There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. - Alan J. Perlis
• Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? - from The Goon Show
• Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you. - Aldous Huxley
• Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Susan Ertz
• Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision. - Blake Clark
• Never mistake motion for action. - Ernest Hemingway
• Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein. - Joe Theisman, Former quarterback
• Too little freedom makes life confusingly clumsy; too much, clumsily confusing. Luckily, the tension between freedom and restraint eventually gets severed by Guido's Razor. - Tim Peters
• As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. - Dick Cavett
• You shouldn't anthropomorphize computers; they don't like it.
• McNaughton's Rule: Any argument worth making within a bureaucracy must be capable of being expressed in a simple declarative sentence that is obviously true once stated.
• I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. - Groucho Marx
• Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. - Doug Larson
• Brigands require your money or your life, whereas women require both. - Samuel Butler
• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. - Dave Barry
• I've seen Python criticized as "ugly" precisely because it doesn't have a trick-based view of the world. In many ways, it's a dull language, borrowing solid old concepts from many other languages & styles: boring syntax, unsurprising semantics, few automatic coercions, etc etc. But that's one of the things I like about it. - Tim Peters
• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
• The joy of coding Python should be in seeing short, concise, readable classes that express a lot of action in a small amount of clear code - not in reams of trivial code that bores the reader to death. - Guido van Rossum
• If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such... - Homer Simpson
• Going to bed with a woman never hurt a ballplayer. It's staying up all night looking for them that does you in. - Casey Stengel
• A committee is a group of men who individually can do nothing, but collectively can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
• 'Complexity' seems to be a lot like 'energy': you can transfer it from the end user to one/some of the other players, but the total amount seems to remain pretty much constant for a given task. - Ran
• I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners. - Berke Breathed
• Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W.C. Fields
• You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. - Homer Simpson
• In C, we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
• If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
• It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. - W. Somerset Maugham
• The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad. - Salvador Dali
• Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? - Charlie McCarthy
• It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. - Andrew Jackson
• I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they frighten me. - Duke of Wellington
• I feel sorry for people who don't drink, because when they wake up in the morning, that's the best they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
• A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. - Dave Barry
• I have assuredly found an admirable resolution to this, but the margin is too narrow to contain it. - Pierre de Fermat
• One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.- Groucho Marx
• Alcohol is the anaesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. - George Bernard Shaw
• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - George Burns
• There is nothing that is impossible to the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
• It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. - Maimie Van Doren
• Isn't vi that text editor with two modes... one that beeps and one that corrupts your file? - Dan Jocabson
• I just want to go on the record as being completely opposed to computer languages. Let them have their own language and soon they'll be off in the corner plotting with each other! - Steven D. Majewski
• If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git'. - Alexei Sayle
• There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. - Mary Little
• Programmers are achievement oriented; give them an impossible task, and they'll do their best to give you what they think you would have asked for if you had a clue as to what was possible. - Peter Coffee
• Listening, Testing, Coding, Designing. That's all there is to software. Anyone who tells you different is selling something. - Kent Beck
• Emotions are alien to me. I'm a scientist. - Spock, 'This Side of Paradise', stardate 3417.3
• Computers are like horses; they can sense fear and will act based on that. - Adam Engst
• The palest ink is better than the best memory. - Chinese proverb
• There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
• Ugly programs are like ugly suspension bridges: they're much more liable to collapse than pretty ones, because the way humans perceive beauty is intimately related to our ability to process and understand complexity. - Eric S. Raymond, 'Why Python'
• I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. - Steven Wright
• Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and all is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and all is organized by the Italians. - Vic Pecka & Paige Scott
• My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. - Ashleigh Brilliant
• It's never too late to have a happy childhood. - Anthony Baxter
• I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. - Ashleigh Brilliant
• You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. - Art Buchwald
• If you never change your mind, why have one? - Edward De Bono
• It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. - Commodore Hopper, inventor of COBOL
• Who does not love wine, women, and song, Remains a fool his whole life long. - Johann Heinrich Voss
• You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright
• As a wise programmer once said, 'Floating point numbers are like sandpiles: every time you move one, you lose a little sand and you pick up a little dirt'. And after a few computations, things can get pretty dirty. - Kernighan and Plauger, The Elements of Programming Style
• Lowery's Law: If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
• The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. - Humphrey Bogart
• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy. - W. C. Fields
• There are two kinds of fools, one that says 'This is old, and therefore good'. And one that says 'This is new, and therefore better' - John Brunner
• The opinions stated above aren't those of my employer. In fact, they're probably not even my own. You know what, just don't even bother reading it.
• If you're not making waves, you're not under weigh. - Admiral Nimitz
• Americans always do the right thing, once they have exhausted all other possibilities. - Winston Churchill
• Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course and I forgot how to drive? - Homer Simpson
• Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. - Groucho Marx
• This contract is so one-sided that I am surprised to find it written on both sides of the paper. - Lord Evershead
• Error: No keyboard detected. Press F1 to continue. - Actual MS Windows error message
• The modern world is filled with men who hold dogmas so strongly that they do not even know they are dogmas. - G.K. Chesterton
• I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen
• Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow. - Franklin K. Dane
• I sense much distrust in you. Distrust leads to cynicism, cynicism leads to bitterness, bitterness leads to the Awareness Of True Reality which is referred to by those-who-lack-enlightenment as "paranoia". I approve. - David P. Murphy, alt.sysadmin.recovery
• Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves. - George Gordon Noel (Lord) Byron (1788-1824)
• I always pass on good advice. It's the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde
• All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
• A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe
• Slashdot, with its uncontrolled content and participants' poor impulse control, remains Internet culture's answer to 'Lord of the Flies.' - Salon
• When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave men so many hormones, and if others want to waste theirs on growing hair, that's up to them. - Senator John Glenn
• If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
• Code as if whoever maintains your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
• The English public take no interest in a work of art until it is told that the work in question is obscene. - Oscar Wilde
• Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good. - Samuel Johnson
• If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. - Norm Schryer
• I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't seem to work. - Gallagher
• It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them. - La Rochefoucauld
• Man must shape his tools lest they shape him. - Arthur Miller
• My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely. - Rodney Dangerfield
• Give a pedant an inch and they'll take 25.4mm (once they've established you're talking a post-1959 inch, of course).
• A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. - H. L. Mencken
• Honest criticism is hard to take, especially from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. - Franklin P. Jones
• Remember - a dog is not just for Christmas. You can make sandwiches & curries in the new year.
• I resent your implication that Americans are insensitive to the culture of the unwashed, ignorant heathens that populate the rest of the world. - Shawn Wilson
• Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer - Henry Lawson
• If a job's worth doing, somebody else will probably do it.
• Travel, of course, narrows the mind. - Malcolm Muggeridge
• Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein
• Ahh, Beer! My one weakness... My Achilles Heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson
• Never meddle in the affairs of NT. It is slow to boot and quick to crash. - Stephen Harris
• It is easier to optimize correct code than to correct optimized code. - Bill Harlan
• Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago. - Bernard Berenson
• I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42. - W.C. Fields
• I can't see the point in the theatre. All that sex and violence. I get enough of that at home. Apart from the sex, of course. - Baldrick, in Blackadder III
• Merely having an open mind is nothing; the object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid. - G.K. Chesterton
• I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me'. Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss'. Number three, 'it was like that when I got here'. - Homer Simpson
• I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not going down to the planet - Avon, Blake's Seven
• C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog.
• If a job is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.
• A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
• There's an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone. - Bjarne Stroustrup, inventor of C++
• We will encourage you to develop the three great virtues of programmer: laziness, impatience, and hubris. - Larry Wall and Randal Schwartz, Programming Perl
• You kids today, with your piercings and your big pants and your purple-and-green hair and your X-Files and your Paula Cole and your espresso coffee and your Seattle grunge rock and your virtual machines and your acid-washed jeans and your Ernest Hemingway and your object-oriented languages and your fax machines and your hula hoops and your zoot suits and your strange slang phrases like 'That's so bogus' or 'What a shocking bad hat' and those atonal composers like Arnold Schoenberg and Milton Babbit that you kids seem to like these days and your cubist painters and your Ally McBeal and that guy in Titanic and your TCP/IP protocol and your heads filled with all that Cartesian dualism these days and ... well, I just don't get you kids. - A.M. Kuchling
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers. - Emo Phillips
• If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• Every time we teach a child something, we prevent him from inventing it himself. - Jean Piaget
• Gui-do: the way of the Python. - Bernhard Herzog
• This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill
• When choosing between two evils, I always try to choose the one I haven't tried before. - Mae West
• Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer - Arnold Schwarzenegger
• Ask Mr. Language Person: Q. Please explain how to diagram a sentence. A. First spread the sentence out on a clean, flat surface, such as an ironing board. Then, using a sharp pencil or X-Acto knife, locate the "predicate," which indicates where the action has taken place and is usually located directly behind the gills. For example, in the sentence: "LaMont never would of bit a forest ranger," the action probably took place in a forest. Thus your diagram would be shaped like a little tree with branches sticking out of it to indicate the locations of the various particles of speech, such as your gerunds, proverbs, adjutants, etc. - Dave Barry
• Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do - fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible. - Richard J. Needham
• Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: Every non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
• I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls. - Senator George Aiken
• Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal
• If you can't explain something to a six-year-old child, you really don't understand it yourself. - Albert Einstein
• As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls. - M. Cartmill
• GUIs normally make it simple to accomplish simple actions and impossible to accomplish complex actions. - Doug Gwyn
• The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein
• I would rather suffer defeat than have cause to be ashamed of victory. - Quintus Curtius
• Why is it that all battles are fought in the middle of the night, in downpouring rain, and at the corners of four different maps? - George Patton
• Whenever copyright law is to be made or altered, then all the idiots assemble. - Mark Twain
• Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. - Robert Benchley
• Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes. - J.R.R. Tolkien
• Linux - the Ultimate Windows Service Pack
• Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. - Thomas A. Edison
• I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. - August Strindberg
• Cargill's Law: The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time. - Tom Cargill, Bell Labs.
• What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as 'The process of removing weeds from one's garden.' - Homer Simpson (giving a lecture on marriage)
• Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods
• All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable - Fran Lebowitz
• An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. - John Buchan
• A debugged program is one for which you have not yet found the conditions that make it fail. - Jerry Ogdin
• There is nothing so absurd that it has not been said by philosophers. - Cicero
• Ah, yes, "divorce". From the Latin for "having your genitals torn off through your wallet". - Robin Williams
• Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think. - Niels Bohr
• Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• The only 'intuitive' user interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned. - Bruce Ediger
• Python - why settle for snake oil when you can have the whole snake? - Mark Jackson
• All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required." - Dave Barry
• A logician trying to explain logic to a programmer is like a cat trying to explain to a fish what it's like to get wet.
• If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing. - Bertrand Russell
• To mistrust science and deny the validity of the scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or a wild animal. - P. J. O'Rourke
• Perl is worse than Python because people wanted it worse. - Larry Wall
• Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.- Nietzsche
• In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is. - Chuck Reid
• Plan to throw one away. You will anyway. - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr, 'The Mythical Man Month'
• The function of an expert is not to be more right than other people, but to be wrong for more sophisticated reasons. - David Butler
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can get out of doing entirely.
• Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. - Dave Barry
• Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue. - J.K. Galbraith
• My centre is giving way, my right is in retreat; situation excellent. I am attacking. - Marshal Foch
• Life's better without braces. - Bruce Eckel
• Curiosity is the very basis of education, and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only the cat died nobly. - Arnold Edinborough
• A pseudointellectual is a person who knows what "pseudo" means.
• So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russell
• Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them. - Lou Holtz
• First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack. - George Carrette
• Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. - Donald E. Knuth
• All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. - IBM maintenance manual, 1925
• I had lots of reasonable theories about children myself, until I had some. - Michael Rios
• For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. - H L Mencken
• A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• About the only people who don't quarrel over religion are the people who don't have any. - Bob Edwards
• I am not young enough to know everything. - James Matthew Sarrie
• Trying is the first step towards failure. - Homer Simpson
• If I had 8 hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend 6 sharpening my ax. - Abraham Lincoln
• A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. - Sir Barnett Cocks
• More damage has been caused by innocent program crashes than by malicious viruses, but they don't make great stories. - Jean-Louis Gassee
• Colourless green ideas sleep furiously. - Noam Chomsky
• It seems that there are two equal and opposite mistakes one can make about Star Trek. One is to find in it a worthy ideology - the other to find in it an ideology worthy of refutation. - Michael V. Voytinsky
• When you think for yourself, you get to solve the problems that you create for yourself, too. - Tim Peters
• It would be difficult to construe this as a feature. - Larry Wall
• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? - Stephen Wright
• If you are angry with someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes... Then you'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have their shoes.
• If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges. - Charles Boyle
• A bug is just a unit test that hasn't been written yet. - Mark Pilgrim
• I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Edison
• Experience is what allows you to recognize a mistake the second time you make it.
• It is better to go into a corner slow and come out fast, than to go in fast and come out dead. - Stirling Moss
• Everything should be as simpler as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstien
• Some little people have music in them, but Fats, he was all music, and you know how big he was. - James P. Johnson
• A typical software project can present more opportunities to learn from mistakes than some people get in a lifetime. - Steve McConnell
• Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. - O. C. Ogilvie
• It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts. - Addison Walker
• If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. - Lyall Watson
• My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. - Emo Philips
• One treats others with courtesy not because they are a gentlemen or gentlewomen, but because you are. - G. Henrichs
• Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. - Pablo Picasso
• The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
• When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. - Homer Simpson
• Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. :-) - Larry Wall
• It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. - Dr. W. Edwards Deming
• Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am... - Bob Dylan
• He uses statistics the way a drunken man uses a lamp post, more for support than illumination. - Andrew Lang
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. - Steven Wright
• How many six year olds does it take to design software? - Microsoft Ad.
• There are times when effort is important and necessary, but this should not be taken as any kind of moral imperative. - J Decker
• Well, it may be all right in practice, but it will never work in theory. - Warren Buffet
• It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed. - Goethe
• That's your plan? Wile E. Coyote would come up with a better plan than that! - John Crichton
• I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem. - Ashleigh Brilliant
• If you moderate me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
• Statistics are a little bit like a bikini: what they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital. - Irving R. Levine
• I was playing poker the other night, with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died. - Steven Wright
• Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. - Dave Barry
• That happy sense of purpose people have when standing up for a principle they haven't really been knocked down for yet.- P. J. O'Rourke
• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields
• Where a new system concept or new technology is used, one has to build a system to throw away, for even the best planning is not so omniscient as to get it right the first time. - Frederick P. Brooks. The Mythical Man-Month
• Here's a good rule of thumb: Too clever is dumb. - Ogden Nash
• Every coding standard has a valid exception. - Bruce Sanders
• Python - the most powerful language you can still read. - Paul Dubois
• Statistical analysis shows that the junk looks like human text, which clearly shows that it is actually used in some yet unknown way. (docstrings?) - Fredrik Lundh, writing about junk DNA
• We should forget about small efficiencies, about 97% of the time. Premature optimization is the root of all evil. - Donald Knuth
• I tell you Wellington is a bad general, the English are bad soldiers; we will settle the matter by lunch time. - Napoleon Bonaparte
• The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, but let's not overlook fear. - Jim Perry
• The Enron scandal calls into question the integrity of the entire capitalist system, which previously we assumed was based on honest, straightforward greed. - Joel Achenbach
• You might think "That's illegal." That's not illegal; that's cool. - Paul Dubois, on recursive template definitions in C++
• Fixing unused code is a waste of time; I won't do it anymore, but I will devote time to getting rid of unused code. - Tim Peters
• I know nothing about this subject, but I do have prejudices, which I am more than happy to share with you. - Leon Botstein
• The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank. - Scotty
• I'll not listen to reason. Reason always means what someone else has to say. - Elizabeth Gaskell
• I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day, 'cause that means it's going to be up all night. - Steven Wright
• Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous mind - Samuel Johnson
• Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. - Chris Mattern
• One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. - Bertrand Russell
• Ninety percent of baseball is half mental. - Yogi Berra
• I'm already not yet convinced. - Larry Wall
• There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". - Dave Barry
• Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. - Fred Brooks
• My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. - Errol Flynn
• The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast. - Oscar Wilde
• Reality is what refuses to disappear when you stop believing in it - Philip K. Dick
• Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. (The more things change, the more they stay the same.) - Alphonse Karr
• A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion - Miguel de Cervantes
• The Christian religion has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world. - Bertrand Russell
• Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.
• Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it - Richard Feynman
• Two major products came from Berkeley; LSD and UNIX. This is no coincidence.
• What's the earliest date by which you can't prove you won't be finished? - Tom West, Eagle Project, Data General
• For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. - Alice Kahn
• About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead. - E. W. Dijkstra, 18th June 1975. Perl did not exist at the time.
• Every body continues in its state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, except insofar as it doesn't. - Sir Arthur Eddington
• When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will shoot their children accidentally.
• I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
• If Windows is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
• Work is the curse of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde
• Advertising reaches out to touch the fantasy part of people's lives. And you know, most people's fantasies are pretty sad. - Frederik Pohl
• I respect the truth too much to drag it out on every occasion. - Jerome K. Jerome
• I don't say that I don't believe in God because that implies that there is a God for me not to believe in. - Douglas Adams
• In order to keep an open mind, I am trying to avoid learning anything. - Ashleigh Brilliant
• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
• We had better get coding straight away, because we are going to have lots of debugging to do. - Steve McConnell, Code Complete
• I drink to make other people interesting. - George Jean Nathan
• There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. - Meskimen's Law
• If you can't make it good, make it look good. - Bill Gates, 1995
• It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are. - Stirling Moss
• Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN! - Calvin
• Nobody ever promised me life would be easy... but, then again, nobody ever warned me it might be impossible. - Jake Vest
• We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
• Pretend that your reader is lazy, stupid, and mean. He's lazy in that he doesn't want to figure out what your convoluted sentences are supposed to mean, and he doesn't want to figure out what your argument is, if it's not already obvious. He's stupid, so you have to explain everything you say to him in simple, bite-sized pieces. And he's mean, so he's not going to read your paper charitably. (For example, if something you say admits of more than one interpretation, he's going to assume you meant the less plausible thing.) - James Pryor, Harvard philosophy professor, on writing.
• By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. - Steven Wright
• Python is an experiment in how much freedom programmers need. Too much freedom and nobody can read another's code; too little and expressiveness is endangered. - Guido van Rossum
• Woody: "Hey, Mr Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you." Norm: "I know, and if she calls, I'm not here."
• You can't be real a country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. - Frank Zappa
• It's such a fine line between stupid and clever. - David St. Hubbins
• If it works, leave it alone -- there's no need to understand it. If it fails, try to fix it -- there's no time to understand it. - Bill Pfeifer
• It's only too slow if it's too slow.
• The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce and gives it some of the grace of tragedy. - Steven Weinberg
• Death has come to our windows. - Jeremiah 9:21
• Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley
• If God intended man to be vegetarians, he wouldn't have made animals out of meat. - Bill Handel
• In case you're not a computer person, I should probably point out that 'Real Soon Now' is a technical term meaning 'sometime before the heat-death of the universe, maybe'. - Scott Fahlman
• It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. - Jerome K. Jerome
• Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! - Homer Simpson
• To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid; you must also be well-mannered. - Voltaire
• Of the four project development variables - scope, cost, time and quality - quality isn't really a free variable. The only possible values are 'excellent' and 'insanely excellent', depending on whether lives are at stake. Otherwise you don't enjoy your work, you don't work well, and the project goes down the drain. - Kent Beck, XP Explained
• I always wanted to be somebody. I see now that I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin
• I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright
• You're bound to be unhappy if you optimize everything. - Donald E. Knuth
• Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. - Dr. Karl Bowman
• Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable. - Nogg's Postulate
• No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop
• If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. - Steven Wright
• A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire
• All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power. - Ashleigh Brilliant
• I wouldn't recommend alcohol and drugs to anyone. But they have always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson
• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer - Dave Barry
• I don't use drugs. My dreams are frightening enough. - M.C. Escher
• Belief is no substitute for arithmetic. - Henry Spencer
• Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. - Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902)
• In Italy, for 30 years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. And in Switzerland they had brotherly love and 500 years of democracy and peace - and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. - Orson Welles as Harry Lime in the 'Third Man'
• It's not the things we don't know that get us into trouble; it's the things we do know that ain't so. - Will Rogers
• Truth comes out of error more easily than out of confusion. - Francis Bacon
• I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. - Groucho Marx
• Everything has got a moral, if only you can find it. - Lewis Carroll
• Men say of women what pleases them; women do with men what pleases them. - DeSegur
• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning. - Robert Cringley
• If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. - Anton Chekhov
• The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work. - Steven Wright
• I have made this letter longer than usual, because I lack the time to make it short. - Blaise Pascal
• You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there. - Yogi Berra
• If one is really a superior person, the fact is likely to leak out without too much assistance - John Andrew Holmes
• No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it. - C. Schulz
• A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. - Groucho Marx
• The divorce was mostly my fault - I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen
• I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. - Poul Anderson
• All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening. - Alexander Woollcott
• Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. - Oscar Wilde
• Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
• The command line *is* the front line.
• You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. - Naguib Mahfouz
• There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling and technicians. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with technicians. - Georges Pompido
• Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. - Oscar Wilde
• This one goes to eleven. - Nigel Tufnel
• Everyone is entitled to an *informed* opinion. - Harlan Ellison
• That's how you know you're hooked on something; when it makes you forget to drink beer. - Paul Mather
• When Henry Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire? - Tom Lehrer
• The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' - Isaac Asimov
• Jargon: Jargon consists of words, phrases and syntactic usages which make communication easier between insiders in any field of study while making it harder for outsiders, thereby linguistically enforcing the elitism of expertise. Unless you use jargon liberally your career is likely to stagnate, especially in the computer industry. - Forsyth and Rada, Machine Learning
• Shipping software is an unnatural act. - David Stafford
• I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. - Dave Barry
• Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. - Homer Simpson
• To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems! - Homer Simpson
• When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway. - Clyde B. Aster
• We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde
• Reporter: 'What do you think of Western Civilisation?' M.K. Gandhi: 'I think it would be a good idea.'
• This is Python. We don't care much about theory, except where it intersects with useful practice. - Aahz Maruch
• Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy.
• By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. - Charles Wadsworth
• Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist after he grows up. - Salvador Dali
• We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary. - James D. Nicoll
• A couple of months in the laboratory can save a couple of hours in the library. - Frank H. Westheimer
• My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading. - Steve Jobs
• When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. - Richard Buckminster Fuller
• All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. - Alexandre Dumas
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and whatever you hit, call it the target. - Ashleigh Brilliant
• I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart. - Jerome K. Jerome
• If you think *I'm* expensive, wait until you hire an amateur.
• I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. - Alexandre Dumas
• Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are quick to anger and have not need for subtlety.
• An efficient organization is one in which the accounting department knows the exact cost of every useless administrative procedure which they themselves have initiated. - E.W.R. Steacie
• I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my desk. - Robert Bloch
• Q: How many RPG programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Change? CHANGE?
• I think... I think it's in my basement. Let me go upstairs and check. - M.C. Escher
• When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When the hammer you have is C++, everything looks like a thumb.
• An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
• To my battle-scarred mind, documentation is never more than a hint. Read it once with disbelief suspended, and then again with full throttle skepticism. - Gordon McMillan
• On two occasions I have been asked (by members of Parliament!), 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. - Charles Babbage
• FRANKLIN: have you ever thought, Headmaster, that your standards might perhaps be a little out of date? HEADMASTER: Of course they're out of date. Standards are always out of date. That's what makes them standards. Alan Bennett, Forty years on (1969), act 2.
• It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. - James Thurber
• No Mr. Bond! I expect you to die! - Auric Goldfinger